My friend was my neighbor first for several years. I always hired maids, I work full-time and cleaning is my least favorite activity in my life.
It was my first house, so I lived in a really low income area. This meant all my neighbors probably subsisted on like $20-40k a year, and my salary initially when I moved was in that ballpark. Despite having a low salary, this was my one treat--a weekly maid visit, so I could just focus on work.
One day, while we were having a friendly neighbor talk at the mailbox, she said she used to houseclean when I was talking about my maid service being late, and so we set up an arrangement where twice a week she would do light cleaning. At the time she asked $20/hr, now it's up to $35/hr because I believe in paying fairly so every once in a while I give a small hourly raise--she does a very good job, she's always on time, and I think in the four years she's been doing it she's literally missed maybe two days.
Since then, we have become friends. We talk about life, and she has done things like invite me to her family Christmas. When I went on a trip, she fed my cats for free (I ended up paying her, but she completely did it without asking for that, she just loves them--I just decided to give her an hour of pay a day for coming down to visit them daily). She says I am more like a kid/grandchild to her, and her entire family is very kind to me. She has a history of adopting "strays" (people, not animals) and at the dinner a few other people who were not blood related were there who felt similar toward her, so I don't think she's lying when she says how much I mean.
The one aspect in her life that I feel sucks is she's naively, and sweetly, a pushover for her sons. One is a heroin addict who is clean now, but spent many years using her and currently is drunk 24/7 so they swapped the dragon for booze. The other is a heroin addict as well, but relapses a lot. They are in their late 40s but literally take every dime she makes for rent, groceries, and more.
Today she approached me talking about how her kid was expecting a windfall and she showed me some documents. They definitely don't prove the kid is expecting a thing, without being too revealing it's sort of a disability scam, and I think genuinely it will flop--these children of hers are always doing stuff like this. However, she's apparently been paying their rent because she's been expecting them to get back on their feet any day now.
So she told me, she took out a $3k loan to pay for their rent etc and it's due Sept 1st. Obviously this is a weird timeline--loans from a bank etc wouldn't be like this.
She asked me if I could pay it all.
This is the FIRST time she's ever asked me for money. I felt incredibly uncomfortable and I managed a no, but I am anxious and in general feel so weird like I've let her down since $3k wouldn't be too bad for me to pay (I have zero debt and a nice savings). She handled it graciously, disappointed but she understood. She said she had no one else to ask and just thought maybe it was possible.
As for why she felt it was possible - over the years, my salary has gone from the original 35k it was to almost 250k. She is aware because I moved to a really nice apartment a year ago, and I also increased her rate when I got the latest new job because I felt it was fair. I almost feel like this is a repercussion from that, and part of what I mean by before I lived in a low income area; in their mind, I made it, so I'm a person to lean on. I don't want friendships to get like this. Other friends from this area have also asked for minor loans (one had a medical emergency and I footed a $250 bill for them before), so I am worried I have become a target/safe person to ask for help.
Anyway... how do I go back to normal after this? Asking for $3k seemed like such a big ask, and while she's been so kind about it, *I* feel guilty and *I* feel weird she even asked?
*TL;DR Friend/housekeeper asked for a $3k loan. I said no, but feel weird now and can't help but anxiously question the nature of our friendship. How do I move past it? I also feel bad for her because she is in debt because of her drug addicted sons.*
Submitted August 28, 2018 at 12:04PM by veenitia https://ift.tt/2NtiBSw
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