Let me just start by saying I [25F] love my husband [30M] very much, we have been married for 3 years and have two children together.
I don't know where to start. Basically I keep finding that my husband prefers to watch gay porn. I'm not sure if he likes it more than the normal stuff but it happens a lot. When we first got together I found that he had posted ads on craigslist looking to hook up with men. I confronted him, and he said he would never do it again bla bla bla. Some time passes and I found out that he did it again!!! This was all before we were married and I'm very forgiving person. So I forgave him and we moved on.
We got married and everything seemed so great. Until he started watching gay porn and hiding it from me. I am not homophobic at all, and I might even be interested in trying MFM but it makes me feel so strange that he keeps hiding it.
A few months ago we got a little drunk and started speaking openly, he said he might be bi. That's fine with me! I don't have a problem with it and I told him that if he needed time to "explore" or whatever I would rather have him be open with me. He said he didn't actually want to go through having sex with a guy, and that he just likes watching videos with two guys jerking off. That's all fine, I just asked that he be open with me and tell me what turns him on, maybe I would watch with him. But he keeps hiding it from me.
I know that he has a reddit specifically for watching porn, so I looked up his username and saw that just a few weeks ago he posted a video (the only video on his profile) of two guys jerking off. He keeps telling me he doesn't even watch gay porn anymore and then I see this and I'm so so confused. But then I snooped more (I know I'm bad but we have a lot of history and it's a little hard to trust) and I went to look as his reddits history. It's all straight porn. Then I discovered that he has been pressing "hide" on all of the posts that are gay. And it seems to be getting more extreme because he's now watching videos of guys penetrating each other, which he told me before he doesn't even like to watch and that its "too far" for him.
I haven't confronted him yet and I know that I will, I'm just waiting to calm down so that we both don't get angry.
I feel like this is my last straw. How can I trust someone who I asked to be honest with me and he keeps deliberately lying (if you count omission as lying). This has just happened so many times that I'm not sure if I can trust him. At the same time I would never want to spit our family apart. I feel trapped. What should I do?
I'm not sure what I'm looking to get here but I needed to vent. Please has anyone been through ANYTHING similar?
TLDR; Husband keeps watching gay porn but lying about it. I'm not sure if he's gay but if he is I would rather have him be happy.
Submitted August 28, 2018 at 08:32PM by throwaway3782y https://ift.tt/2okbroM
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