I am a (28M) father of two, a full time college student, and I work 85+ hours a paycheck. My fiance (27F) of 5 years constantly tells me that I am not doing enough to provide sufficient care for my family. Any advice?

It has become extremely hard lately to simply enjoy my beautiful life because I have been belittled and put down on a regular basis by the woman I absolutely love and adore...

Let's start from the beginning.

We started dating when I was 23. I had a pretty successful DJing situation going on. I opened for headliners like Borgeous, Luminox, Will Sparks, etc. I was enjoying myself immensely. My fiance came along and we starting dating. That puppy love stage was amazing and I really felt like I could be with this woman. We moved in together and of course my somewhat decent DJing wages weren't paying the bills (imagine that).

For about a year I managed to travel and even bring her along to different gigs around the country. In the end it still wasn’t enough.

She said I needed a real job.

So I quit my dream, and went and got one.

And she got pregnant.

Don’t worry, he was mine.

Anyway, we were about to have our first born. So I asked her to quit her job while I worked full time to make sure she had the easiest pregnancy possible. About 6 months into parenthood we found out we were going to have a baby girl as well!!! I stayed on my hustle so we could live the best life possible.

This is where it gets rocky.

I was working an early morning shift so I had the responsibility of waking up and getting ready without disturbing the rest of my family. I learned how to do so easily. Only problem was that I was regularly late to work by a few minutes. If anyone woke up during my morning I had to get them situated. My fiance reeeeeaaaalllly likes her sleep. I was constantly looked down upon at work because I was “that guy". After a few years of this I was starting to lose interest in my job, life, etc. I tried to put that focus into trying to better myself so I felt like I was making a difference in my woman’s eyes. So I enrolled in a private University to finally work to obtain my bachelors degree.

A full time school schedule, a full time job, and of course full time father. I got this.

It proved harder than I thought. I needed more time for school and I was already slightly neglecting my family due to such a rigorous schedule. My fiance looked at me one day after work and asked if I was ok. I told her I wasn't and that work was getting to me. She then offered to work full time if I wanted to try to be a stay at home father and focus on studies. I was shocked at the offer but also a bit relieved. I had not had a break for the last 2 years so I pretty much jumped at it.

It didn't last long.

I had about a month until things really started to fall apart.

After a few weeks of working full time, my fiance managed to have her hours cut from 40 a week to less than 20. With $1500+ worth of monthly bills, we were fucked. So I asked for an even larger student loan the next two semesters and we had to use my school funds to survive until I could go back to work. The entire time I was attending school and looking for work I was badgered on the regular to find a job. By my fiance AND her enabling fucking mother. They loved telling me to get a job, like it was my fault that I quit the awesome one I had in the first place.

I was being treated like I WAS THE ONE WHO FAILED EVERYONE.

It was heartbreaking.

A week later, my neighbor was murdered by some crackhead that broke into his house and stabbed him to death. I live in a duplex. The man was killed on the other side of the wall I sleeping next to. Now things are really going down hill. I'm broke, bills are now backing up, and I had such bad survivor's guilt that I could barely get myself dressed in the morning. This became an regular argument with my fiance. It was like I was always inconveniencing everyone else because I wasn’t fully focused.

I could have helped him.

I was never asked if I was okay, or how I felt about everything. I was just left to rot with my own horrible thoughts and feelings. All the while, trying to find a new job while still finding time to focus on my kids and studies. After a bit of time and lots of following up, I managed to get my old job back but on a completely different shift. I now worked afternoons. I work late now but not too late. It definitely messed with everyone's schedule but we can adjust right?

Wrong.

I work 85+ hrs every two weeks. I failed this last semester. I also only get 4 hours of sleep a night. This is because my fiance thinks that I am obligated to wake up at 7 am with our children because she needs my help taking care of them. I dont get to bed until 3 or 4 am sometimes. She refuses to allow me to sleep in and get the healthy amount of sleep an adult human being needs. I have tried to communicate with her about it but it turns into a HUGE fight. I am told that I don’t deserve the same courtesies that I have showed my fiance in the past because I am a father.

I get it.

I have duties. I need to take the trash out.

I also need to pay all of our bills, feed our children, pass school, and still be happy for me AND my unsatisfied fiance.

While she stays home with the kids.

I need advice. I know I need to do better for myself but i love this woman.

She just doesn't really love me anymore.

TLDR Fiance of 5 years constantly unhappy with my performance as a partner/father/provider, yet I am working 85+ hours with a full time school schedule and two children under 3. I get 4 hours of sleep a night and really just need to be left alone to get more rest. I just need the common courtesy I deserve as a human being and she refuses to give that to me by telling me I already do not do enough. While she is currently a stay at home mother. Exhausted…. Mentally, physically, and worse.. emotionally.

UPDATE:

We got into it again later today. I cant take being constantly belittled. She left on her own accord about an hour ago and I am calling it. I am not willing to put my kids through this anymore.

OP got this. Done putting anyone before myself or my kids.

Submitted August 28, 2018 at 10:42AM by GamerDadBPT https://ift.tt/2PkSwWD