Am I [32M] wrong for being done with her [31F] over something so small after 3 years of failing to get through?

None of this is going to make sense without my cop/medic analogy so here it is:

You're in a car accident and one of two people could arrive first. One is a cop and they're going to ask questions like "Why were you going over 55mph?" and "Why weren't your wipers on max, you can see it's raining out."

Or, a medic could arrive. The medic is going to ask questions like "Are you hurt anywhere?" and "Let me take you to a hospital."

Who would you want to arrive first?

The truth is everybody might have wildly different answers to that question. But if your SO tells you they need a medic, your job is to be the medic. Period. Otherwise, you may as well date yourself if you refuse to be what your SO has asked of you.

So how did all this come about?

My long term gf and I got into an argument about a TV show. Sounds ridiculous, right? I agree 1,000%. Why did it escalate? She wants to get married, but I feel like there are deep conversations that we need to have and exorcise our skeletons. When I try to have these conversations, they go NOWHERE. I've tried to talk when we're arguing, she's not hearing it. I tried to talk when we're in a "good space." But then I'm disturbing the peace and we've been doing so well for so long and I'm spoiling it, so again, she's not hearing it.

I'm like OK, this is a fictional situation, and we started out fairly light and fictional. The TV show situation was basically about a man getting irritated with the woman he loves because when he shared a work situation, she was his cop, not his medic. I basically told her that if she's listening well, she might pick up on the fact that in some ways, I'm talking about myself and in this fictional conversation is a perfect opportunity to get some free insight into the inner workings of my mind and how that could help avoid situations like this in the future.

She took offense. I got fed up, slept on the couch. I'm frustrated. We have serious issues that just kinda straggle out there until they come to the forefront. I want to address them once and for all, build understanding and unity, and move forward, together. But if I wait until we're in a fight, she's entirely irrational. If I wait until we're doing great, I'm spoiling the good times. If a light conversation on a fictional situation touches on a little bit of our reality, I'm still wrong. And yet, I hear at least once a week "it's so unfair we're not married yet."

I'm trying to get there. But I'm not going to drag her kicking and screaming into a comfortable middle ground. And tbh, I'm tired of fighting to put positive behaviors into our relationship. She's called out behaviors in me that don't work for her, I change, I do the same, and she's offended that she's not perfect. And while I don't think I should be celebrated for being a guy willing to talk openly about my feelings and find a middle ground, damn, at least don't turn me off to being that guy. She's literally told me she's choosing to NOT find a middle ground. Like, I'm worn out, and in a lot of ways, I don't want this relationship anymore. Nothing big has happened (lately), it's just more of a death by a thousand cuts type of situation.

TL;DR I feel bad for being worn out trying to teach someone who doesn't seem interested in learning how to be with me.

Submitted August 28, 2018 at 07:18AM by bobbito313 https://ift.tt/2wuVaB9