My boyfriend often hides and masturbates and lies about it, I feel like because of this we rarely get intimate anymore.

TLDR; Title + he constantly tells me he isn't in the mood when I initiate something, but I'll catch him masturbating later and lies about it. Also lacks interest in me as a person and has given up on trying to keep me happy

Hi,

So basically me (19f) and my boyfriend (26m) have an overall pretty good relationship in every other category besides sex. While I do think he holds grudges against me that I can't change such as my parents financial situation, interests, time we spend together etc , I still really do enjoy being with him. In the beginning of our relationship it was pretty good and we would have sex probably twice a week or maybe more. He'd also get me off without even having sex as I'd do the same (blowjobs n foreplay shit ya know). However, probably only two months in things changed. I'd be over and I'd catch him masturbating or he'd lock himself away for 30 minutes to masturbate. I don't care that he masturbates but after when I'd ask he'd lie and deny it. It didn't interrupt our sex life that much then, but he would often blame it on his anti-depressants that he took why our sex life was diminishing. However, (bad on me I know) I monitored the pill bottle and amount in there and the entire time we were together he never took a single one. Further into this, he hadn't even used those pills for 2+ years.

But anyways, he always had some excuse that he'd use when I'd bring up the lack of sex we'd have and it would end up being that I'm too sexual for him/ he's just too old to keep up with me. I always thought that was BS but whatever. But now we've been dating for six months and things are definitely at their worst. We broke up for about 3 weeks earlier at the beginning of the year and ended up getting back together. Ever since we got back together things have been awful sexually. I had caught him with other girls during our break when he shamed me for seeing other men and claimed he has no interest in seeing other girls and wasn't going to. He promised me that. But as men do, I caught him seeing other girls and having them over to his apartment. One time especially hurt was when I went to his apartment and gave him a massage and we hung out and he confessed he wanted to get back together with me but needed time. In the time I gave him he saw more girls. lol.

but that asides the point. Since we've gotten back together we have had sex once and at this point its been almost two months. I've given him a good handful of blowjobs while he's gotten me off maybe once. I don't even count it as a full attempt as he got annoyed/ uncomfortable ?and I made him stop because it made me feel bad about myself. (I want to mention he refuses to eat me out). However, in this time we've gotten back together I have devoted so much time and energy in being a better girlfriend. I come over and make him food everyday. Sometimes I'll make breakfast lunch and dinner but If I don't have time I at least make dinner. I give him massages and all the attention he could want. He told me he's been struggling and hasn't been horny at all and I honestly believed him. That was until I began catching him jacking off and its been pretty often. I've given up on bringing it up because he just gets upsets and tells me that I accuse him of doing bad things and I don't trust him and that its all in my head.

I feel like he isn't attracted to me anymore/never was and is just staying with me til he finds a better girl. He hasn't even treated me as well as he used to before we broke up. He used to give me massages because I have a bad back, and would go out of his way to do nice things for me. Recently he just complains that I am always hanging out with him and that he needs time away from me. I also just had surgery like two days ago and so I'm staying with him to recover and multiple times during the day he'll tell me that after i'm better he doesn't want to see me for a couple days. or he'll make fun of my pain that im in and tell me i'm dramatic. He also likes to call me a lump and that I can't do anything for myself. I'm fine with rude jokes and stuff like that but this isn't like him at all and I can tell he's making these jokes to get rid of anger with me. I feel terrible because I can hardly walk at the moment and honestly need help and he constantly reminds me that HE is in pain too and HE is exhausted. But i can't take care of him so it just makes me feel awful. I try to do things by myself so I bother him as little as possible but he still seems upset with me. I wish I had somewhere else to be after my surgery but my dorm (freshman in college) is the last place I would be comfortable being after surgery. I just feel trapped and like I'm never enough/doing enough to satisfy him. I've taken on so many roles in trying to take care of this guy but I feel like all it does is exhaust me and make him expect more and more out of me.

I clean his apartment, make him food, do his laundry, take care of his dog all while being a freshman in college and trying to take care of myself. Yet he makes me feel inadequate and that some of things I do are simple tasks and that what he does is much harder. I wish he understood because every time I try and explain my side he jokes about how i'm just a kid or I don't understand.

there is honestly so much building on me from this relationship that is absolutely killing my self worth and I just want him to want me as much as I want him. Theres so much more I could talk about especially with our sex life but I ended up venting instead.

Please help me see what I'm doing wrong.

Submitted April 02, 2022 at 08:07PM by Separate_Ad3252 https://ift.tt/F8210E9