My (27F) partner (36M) has become extremely jealous after finally sorting through our on & off relationship.

TL;DR my on again off again partner of 3ish years has become insanely jealous after admitting to a lie. Not sure if this is worth saving or not.

This will be long, I appreciate anyone who mires through this.

Relationship length 3ish years. I met Luke at work in spring 2019 when I had just moved to a small mountain town, he worked the front desk at a hotel and I was a bartender in the restaurant there. We hit it off and spent the entire summer hiking and camping, it was truly a magical time and felt like something out of a movie to me.

Throughout the summer, I was never really sure where we stood, and I could tell he had some past trauma that held him back from becoming closer to me. We had sex a few times, were extremely emotionally intimate with each other. But he never tried to put a label on the relationship or take it further. I wanted to be with him so badly, but I put off asking the real questions until autumn 2019 because I was truly enjoying our time together for what it was.

When I finally did, he completely shut me out and said all of the past summer had meant nothing, and he didn’t want to be with me. Completely ripped my heart out. After crying myself sick for a few days I decided I was worth more, and I did my best to put it behind me and move forward. There was radio silence between us until April 2020. Covid had hit, our town was weird and empty, and he asked me to go for a hike. We did, things went well, and we somehow slipped into the pattern of hiking and sex and connecting again.

I thought things would be different this time. He was emotionally available, admitted his past traumas had caused him to shut down in 2019 in the face of a real, wholesome relationship. He appeared to have done a lot of self work and spoke freely about always holding a candle for me, and being too ashamed of his actions to try to call me. We enjoyed a few months together, but in the end I was still hurt. And decided it wasn’t the right time. This was July 2020, and beyond making my cookies for my birthday in May 2021 and then commiserating over the death of a friend that same summer, we were apart again until November 2021.

Luke randomly asked me to go skiing one day, and I figured why the heck not? We did, and of course discovered we still had feelings for each other. And it seemed to finally be the right time. We both worked on a lot of our issues, I had forgiven him for the hurt he had caused. The days and months passed and I felt like all was right in the world- of course we would end up together.

Things began to go south in mid February of this year, when Luke confessed to a lie. It was told multiple times over many years (leaving out that story for brevity.) I truly think he was so afraid I would leave him, he then tightened his grip on the relationship. And now is extremely jealous, which I had never experienced with him before. He has: - shamed me for wearing a crop top where my males friends might see it - admitted to obsessively checking my location/ only asking about my day to confirm where he knows I’ve been - constantly accuses me of cheating but then tells me I’ve done nothing wrong? - is uncomfortable with me hanging with friends even though I have included him 100%

I could go on and on, this is only small bits of it. I should add that while I’m definitely an introvert, I enjoy my small group of friends. Luke is entirely a homebody and does not have friends he sees regularly. I understand that someone like me might be potentially overwhelming for such an introvert. I am by no means a crazy partier and don’t drink much, stay out late, indulge in drugs or any other shady behavior as a girlfriend. The loving and kind man I know has transformed into someone jealous and controlling, and I just don’t know what to do. I have never cheated on anyone and have no plans to.

The situation is sticker now too because about a month ago I lost my housing (mountain town problems) and moved in with him. It is a very small studio and I feel extremely isolated right now. When he suggested moving in I truly thought it was a good move for the relationship albeit a bit rushed, but I see now it might’ve been him wanting to keep an eye on me.

There is so much more to all of this and I feel like I have done a terrible job explaining the nuances of this relationship. I just feel so stuck. I love him and I always have, but things are so hard. I love him but I don’t always like him. Sometimes I believe his is so far down on his own traumas and has done nothing to seek therapy or help himself in other ways that I might not be able to save this relationship. And I feel like absolute trash being treated this way to the point I feel like I might need to leave. I am comfortable working through issues, but maybe not when they’re expressed by being terrible to me all the time. Should I try to work through his jealousy as a couple, or cut my losses and realize I need to be with someone who is a bit more emotionally available?

Submitted April 04, 2022 at 05:00PM by vitamin_d529 https://ift.tt/Ovqz93s