How to reconcile different values when it comes to dating [23F] and [26M]

Burner account - I’ve (23F) been seeing my partner (26M) for the last three months – we were friends for a while before we started dating.

“Issue #1 - close male friendships”

My partner thinks that, "you shouldn't be okay with cuddling/being physically intimate (even platonically) with another guy while you're dating someone.

I mentioned that if being physically close with my closer male friends was a boundary issue then I can adjust to it and not do that while we’re dating. He’s not okay in thinking as a boundary issue, but as a moral black and white (ie. regardless of the situation/person it shouldn’t be okay).

In my partner’s opinion, “as physical intimacies go, there isn’t a difference between cuddling with your (opposite gender) friend and fucking them even if you have not romantic feelings towards them”.

edit/note: I don't have a male friend that I would cuddle now and probably not in the future — this was something that happened in the past before we were dating. Knowing how against this he is, even if I did have a friend like that, I probably wouldn't do that anyways.

“Issue #2 - being friends with exes”

I am still friends with some of my exes. To me they are just male friends that I happened to have dated at one point. I still cherish them as people that were once part of my life and that have helped me become a better person/who I am today.

My partner has been cheated on in the past, so I understand that his experience is different from mine. BUT, he knew I was still friends with my exes before we even started dating.

If things move forward, I don’t think he would be even okay with my being friends with my exes.

My number of fuck-ups of varying degrees:

1. I told my partner beforehand that I was going into the city to do some errands and went to see a (male) friend’s and my very old ex’s new apartments since I was in the area.
   1. I might not have been clear about who I was seeing, but afterwards he brought up that it wasn’t “okay” to visit an ex’s place alone. I took the mental note of, “it’s okay to hang out but not okay to visit their apartments alone” which is more or less reasonable to me, but I didn’t know/think of it beforehand.
2. I had lunch with an ex I recently broke up with and I didn’t tell my partner that I was going to have lunch with them (big fuck up here).
   1. I have had lunch with this ex after we broke up, but before I started seeing my partner. I thought lunch with this ex would’ve been fine since point #1 was, you can hang out with them, just don’t go to their homes alone. When I really should have read that as, it's not okay to hang out with them one on one/it’s okay to hang out with them in a group setting.

TL;DR: I want to make this work, but I don’t know how to reconcile our differing values -- being close with a male friend is a boundary to be set and not an absolute moral value to have and being friends with an ex.

Edits: (Platonic) Cuddling in this sense is, I would lean on them if we were sitting together, hello/goodbye hugs, shoulder bumps while walking, a shoulder massage if someone asked for it. I would do the same thing with my female friends if not a bit more (hugging while sitting together or hugging /"cuddling (ie hugging)" on the bed).

I am bi-curious and my partner knows this about me. I asked if it would be different if it was an ex-girlfriend and he doesn't know, but it sounds like it would be different if it was an ex-girlfriend (he's made jokes before that "it's not cheating if its with another girl"). I don't know if this offers any context at all.

Submitted April 05, 2022 at 12:57PM by Then-Intention2967 https://ift.tt/Q3k8pSP