I’ve (22f) been with my boyfriend (25m) for 4 years. We’ve been talking about getting married this summer. He lives with his parents and his mother passed away from cancer 1 month ago. It was a very hard time. I was grieving myself but I was also trying to look out for him and his dad. I graduated college early 2 months ago and I’m still looking for a job so I have a lot of free time. I tried to help them as much as I could by bringing them meals, helping with random chores, I deep cleaned their fridge for them, I got them a fridge magnet photo of them 3 and most importantly I spent a lot of time with them (my boyfriend wanted me to). I know my boyfriend will not be able to leave his dad alone so I told him I am totally okay with us living with his dad once we are married. I respect him and we would add a door to the basement for privacy. I think it would be cruel to leave him alone and my bf was happy to hear this.
2 weeks after she passed, I had surgery so I was no longer able to do stuff. I’d go to my bf house and he would make me coffee or food and then wash the dishes after. His dad did not know about the surgery.
I started noticing his dad being passive aggressive towards me. He was no longer making conversation with me. He also peeled an orange and gave my bf half without offering me any. I knew something was wrong. A week after my surgery, my bf told me his dad had a talk with him about me. He asked my bf why he is working a job and making me coffee and food while I am sitting around. He also called me “messy” and I don’t know why. I always clean up after myself. They are neat freaks though, so maybe it’s because I leave my jacket on the chair instead of hanging it up in the closet. This really bothered me and hurt my feelings. When he told me this, I cried. My bf was annoyed that I cried and he told me it’s not a big deal and his dad doesn’t mean anything bad, that he was just making an observation. He also said he told his dad I had surgery so it’s no longer an issue.
Later, it still was bothering me so we talked again. This is where we started arguing because my bf said he agreed with his dad that I’m messy. He then compared me to his girl friends and said that he thinks they would do a better job at taking care of his house than I would. He told me I was being too emotional about everything. I explained that I feel like this will cause issues in the future for us because it feels like his dad is in our business. It probably bothers him that I’m unemployed because he’s constantly asking me why I don’t have a job yet. I also was upset that he didn’t seem to care to defend me and it felt like he was attacking me instead of making me feel better. I mean, he saw me crying and kept telling me to get over it!
I ended up telling him to just drop me off because I can’t deal with this relationship anymore. He told me to think about it and that we can work through it. I always feel like my feelings are dismissed and I feel like he never supports me. He feels like I have nothing to be upset about in this situation. What do you all think? He later told me that he can’t handle me because I’m causing him stress while he’s grieving and he doesn’t need that right now. I feel like I did so much for them and nobody appreciated it. After his dad made those comments, I just felt attacked and uncomfortable and judged. I don’t know where this all went wrong.
Tl;dr Bf’s mom passed away from cancer. I had surgery shortly after and couldn’t do much. His dad criticized me and he didn’t really defend me and we got into a fight
Submitted March 04, 2022 at 10:39AM by Mission-Blueberry304 https://ift.tt/RmwnLQc
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