I am 22, husband is turning 36, we have a 3 year old child.
I have been married to him now for 2 years. We started dating when I was 18- I ended up pregnant 3 months later. We broke up and he started seeing another woman almost immediately (about 2 weeks). That’s when the issues started. He treated me horribly during my pregnancy. He allowed his girlfriend of a couple weeks to interfere, starting a custody battle during my pregnancy and the stress kept me beyond upset. Just for him to end up breaking up with the woman the month our son was born.
I really only got back together with him because I wanted the coparenting nightmare to end. It was constant stress. Now- I’ve grown to “love” him. I am in therapy and have been diagnosed with PTSD from the stuff I went through.
I find it incredibly hard to forgive him. I hold resentment towards him for even talking to me when I was only 18. I feel very disgusted by the age gap, his lack of empathy. It seems like every conversation just about it that we would have about my pain- he made excuses or got irritated at the fact I was even bringing it up. Which just lead me to further be unable to move past it. Now he does seem to be more understanding but I feel like it’s just too late now.
Ever since I had my son I have experienced so many health issues. From autonomic function issues (issues with blood sugar, blood pressure) to extreme periods. I was diagnosed with PMDD (a severe form of pms) and hyper POTS. My doctor said more than likely triggered from pregnancy considering I never had these issues before.
I love my son unconditionally, he’s amazing.. but deep down I miss my life before becoming a stay a home mother. Back when I had friends, went to college, didn’t have constant panic attacks and health issues, before when I had normal periods. They gotten so bad my OB gave me the option of a hysterectomy but I am just 22 and that seems too drastic. Losing my ability to have future children makes me extremely sad.
For a whole year I stopped driving and was afraid to leave my house. With exposure therapy I have been doing better, but it’s still a struggle.
I feel weighed down constantly by the stress of all this. I have a very nice home, am taken care of financially, get to stay home with my son, I feel like sometimes I should just “get over this” and try to move forward. But I can’t.
I’m miserable. I can’t forgive him for anything he did. Treating me so poorly while I carried his child just makes me sick to even think about.
I’m considering filing for a divorce but I am scared..
TLDR- 22 married to 36 year old, health issues, ptsd and scared to leave. I have no degree, never worked, and am recovering from agoraphobia. I feel dramatic for not being able to leave the past behind me.
Submitted November 26, 2021 at 09:57AM by asunnyroad09 https://ift.tt/3CQeklf
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