Some siblings don’t get along that well, others do. My brother and I are the latter. We argue sometimes, but we're best friends, we grew up together, and see one another as kin.
My brother has a girlfriend and they seem extremely serious about one another, seeing how they've been able to date long-distance for 2 years. I'm gladly supporting them. I also respect their privacy. She seems like a cool person, and I’m excited to meet her and her family. My parents are too.
I've never had a crush on anyone nor talked to many men besides my father and brother. I have no experience in romance. I can imagine myself having a crush if I met the right person, but it's a completely different from the familial love I feel for my brother.
Yet my mother has had this complex regarding us occasionally for a few years. She’ll see us talking or hugging sometimes, and comment on how weird it is. Like my brother "should only be hugging his girlfriend like this” or “you're spending way too much time together”. She was like this even before he got a girlfriend. When she brought up such insinuations, my brother and I would question her on why she would think that, although never openly. As to me it's taboo and extremely uncomfortable to discuss. Whenever she says these inappropriate comments, I’m at a loss of words. How does she even jump to these conclusions?
I have no clue why she’s so paranoid, especially now when my brother has a girlfriend he's serious about and I’m 100% for it. I usually ignore her paranoia, but I'm increasingly feeling more repulsed and finding it awkward and uncomfortable to be around my brother when she makes these inappropriate comments. Fears like “what if he likes me romantically and not like a sister” or “is hugging him wrong? Is there something wrong with me?" pop up, and I second guess myself. I just wonder how my brother feels about this every time my mother brings it up. He might feel uncomfortable considering he has a girlfriend, besides the fact that I'm his freaking sister. I'm scared to think he doesn't.
When my mother told him that “he should be hugging his girlfriend like this instead of me, his sister” a few weeks ago he replied that his love for his girlfriend vs me are completely different types of love, so the hugs too are different. That calmed me down a bit. If he liked me like that it would be extremely traumatizing and horrendous for me, it would be like losing my best friend and someone I really trust. I want him to love me as his little sister, nothing else.
My mother's paranoia is rubbing off on me, and it's ruining the moment. It was never like this before. The idea of being in a romantic relationship with him repulses me, and I also think he is disgusted by the idea. Apparently he’s liked other girls before his current girlfriend too.
The entire topic is so uncomfortable because it’s really messed up to even second guess these things. As a mother, I understand she is only worried, but why is she thinking like this? Is there some actual reason?
Her comments are ruining my peace of mind. I used to feel completely comfortable with my big bro around. Now, I still do, but I have this nagging question in the back of my mind if something is wrong with how close we are. And I feel like because of how taboo my fears are, I can’t bring it up with either my mother or him. I mean if I do, they may think of me as weird.
She's made such accusations about me and my dad once too, before. It was during a fight between him and my mom, my dad, who was in his 50s, asked me for advice and she proceeded to say something like, "if you're asking her for advice instead of me, you can have her as a wife instead of me then!" It grossed my dad and I, who was like only 15 at the time, out for real, who were like, "how could you even think something like that?!" I think she just was annoyed at my father and wanted to lash out, but why bring a child like me into the mix?!
Usually my dad goes to my brother and I, his kids for comfort or advice on how to make up with my mom when he's fighting with her. These fights are usually about stupid, silly, trivial things, but when my mom's in a bad mood, the entire household becomes hell, and everyone suffers. I always got the impression that my mother's a touchy, insecure person. If I tell her how I feel I'm afraid she'll think I see her as a bad mother and not speak to me for the next few days.
I don't understand, am I supposed to distance myself? My brother's my best friend, and him, along with my mother and father, are the 3 most important people in my life right now, hands down. Is that wrong? I think I have a valuable friendship with my bro and I don’t want that to go away. I want to stay in touch with him in the future. That doesn't mean I am in love with him! Seriously, how can she think something so outrageous and appalling?
My mother, unfortunately, grew up in an abusive household with an abusive father, and siblings she does not get along with. Currently she only keeps in touch with 2 siblings, on and off. Does that have to do with her paranoia? I don’t like how her paranoia is rubbing off on me. How do I bring my discomfort up to my mother and brother?
Tl;DR I’m close to my brother, but my mother for some reason is occasionally paranoid that our relationship is incestuous, even though he has a girlfriend of 2 years who our family is excited to meet, and I’ve never liked anyone romantically in my life. Because of my mother’s complaints, I’m feeling occasionally traumatized and uncomfortable when interacting with my brother, second-guessing our closeness as something wrong. I'm afraid this will impact my relationship with my brother negatively in the long run. How do I bring this up to them, especially my mom?
Submitted November 25, 2021 at 02:18PM by Turbulent_Plate_9720 https://ift.tt/3HTidJM
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