My boyfriend (25m) and I (21f) live together. He wants all of our belongings to belong to both of us so that neither of us owns anything individually. Is that normal, or is it an unhealthy boundary?

My boyfriend and I have been dating seriously for a while now and have been living together for about 6 months.

The other day, he walked into our room wearing one of my hoodies. It was a nice hoodie that I paid a lot of money for, and I mentioned that I am not mad nor bothered, but in the future, I would appreciate if he would ask me before wearing my clothes.

He was confused and responded by saying that in his mind, all of our stuff is "ours". Meaning, neither of us has personal ownership of the things we owned before moving in together, and everything we own collectively is neither his nor mine—it all belongs to both of us.

I told him that I disagree. I have things that are mine, and he has things that are his. We share them with each other freely, sure, but I still own my things, he still owns his things, and we own a few things together.

He took it pretty personally and was hurt by the thought. He has been in a lot of unhealthy relationships and has some unhealthy views about boundaries, so it got me wondering: Is it normal for couples to own their own stuff? That makes most sense to me. Or should everything be both of ours?

TL;DR: My boyfriend wants all of our stuff to be ours so neither of us owns anything individually. Is that normal, or is it a product of an unhealthy view of boundaries?

Submitted November 29, 2021 at 09:49PM by soccer--girl https://ift.tt/3p5Y6Q0