I love my (26f) Husband (36m) so much. He's my soulmate, the father of my baby and future children. He's an amazing person, dedicated family man and ambitious worker. He puts me first but also works out and takes care of himself too. If the apocalypse hit tomorrow he's the one I'd want by my side. We have our problems but we always work through them. I have everything in a partner I could have ever wanted. Except the 10 years between us.
I don't know what changed but one morning I noticed the lines around his eyes had gotten deeper, and his hair was thinner. I think the thought of soon being with a 40 year old got in my head. We got together when I was 18, it just didn't seem like that big of a deal. I'd not realised he was as old as he was when we met and I fell for him, and once I found out I just didn't care. We've been together for 8 years, married for 2 of those. We've had a wonderful baby. But suddenly I'm doubting everything and thinking about what it would be like to seperate and date guys my age.
A woman at work recently made a snarky comment about older guys with their oblivious younger girlfriends when talking about a news story we'd seen and it hit me in the chest. I felt a little sick and embarrassed. Now I can't help but feel like people think of me as a fool who married the first man who came along, and maybe I was. When I was worried about the gap before my wedding I called my mum and she told me that true love would mean the gap wouldn't matter, and she felt that we had that. I agreed and proceeded with the wedding. Now I wonder if everyone who attended was watching and thinking about me making a huge, stupid mistake.
I will not leave him, and I will never cheat. I promised him forever and I still want that. How can I get past this feeling? Am I stuck feeling like an idiot forever? We have the healthiest relationship and I don't want to sour it because I'm a shitty, shallow person. Why am I suddenly struggling with this? Am I that shallow that the slight signs of age could make me consider discarding everything we have? How can I fix that if that's who I am? Is watching each other age something normal married couples have to contend with? I still feel that we have physical chemistry and a strong emotional connection, but the guilt is eating at me. Any advice would be appreciated. He's my best friend and it's the first thing I haven't been able to talk to him about.
TL;DR - Love has been blind for a long time, suddenly it's not and I'm struggling with the age gap. Looking for advice.
Edit - A quick note to say thank you to all of the wonderful people who commented sage wisdom and reassuring advice/stories of their own relationships. Your kindness has touched my heart and made me feel so much better. I think a lot of you are right and my fears/worries are based on my own fears of aging, stagnation, and what the future holds for us. I'm so lucky, and truly happy with my marriage and life, I just let myself get too worked up about my own anxieties. I'm going to give my man the biggest hug when I see him.
For those concerned, I'm not looking back at younger people and thinking about the wrongness of our relationship. Our power-dynamic and sex life are healthy and full of love and respect. I can understand the concern, but it's not who we are.
Submitted November 29, 2021 at 05:58AM by ThrwawyGappps https://ift.tt/3lef1Ph
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