I’ve (28f) got a friend (27f) from college who came to visit me for a week. I really enjoy her company, we’ve traveled together and talk to each other on the phone frequently!
She’s extremely messy though. When I stayed over at her place, clothes were always strewn over everywhere, make up and acessories were everywhere, she ate on the bed and sometimes put cat food on the bed for her cat to eat. Honestly, it was a bit disgusting but I tolerated it because it was only 5 days. When we travel together too, she’s been quite messy but I don’t mind because, it isn’t my home/apartment.
Thing is, when it is mine I am extremely strict. I spend a lot of money on my furniture, linens etc and aggressively clean almost every other day. Also, I have a cat who is very timid. He doesn’t like people picking him up and forcing a cuddle, kiss etc. So there are rules around how guests behave with my cat which is, to pet and cuddle if he comes and asks for it but not to chase him down the house and pick him up otherwise he will bite, wack etc. I ve had other friends stay over, including my sister and my mom and dad (who actually completely respect my house rules) and all though my mom and dad do think I’m high maintenance (the rule that triggered this was quiet hours between 10-7) they’ve had no problems respecting this. I’ve never had issues with friends or people behaving a certain way with my cat either.
With this friend, my cat has been weird. He kind of slapped her twice, hid in the closet the first 2 days and was still getting used to her. She picks him up a lot and he meows and she still forcefully kissed him. I told her I was worried about him and I’d appreciate it if she didn’t do that. She accused my parenting by saying maincoons are friendly and my neglect of him is what causes him to be timid and the only way to overcome it is from her cuddles. Next, I repeatedly told her about the mess (I offered my bedroom to put her things into multiple times as I don’t like my living room being a mess) but she refuses. My work station is now a make up stand, and wet towels hang off my office chair. She also sits around with only panties on and when she sat on my pillow I said “hey I put my face there could you atleast put pants on?”
She also kind of stank a bit and when I asked her to shower politely saying “I think your feet stink can you shower before sleeping” she said she’d wash her feet and then sleep. This is where I was wrong because I should have just politely said “hey don’t feel bad but I’m smelling a strong of odor from you can you please take a shower”. Instead, the next morning when she was playing with my cat and rolling over my bed before showering, I yelled and she got upset. We later had a talk because I truly was sorry, and she told me about her vaginal condition and how it caused the smell and theres not much she can do about it. When she was cleaning her hairbrush throwing her hair on my bedroom floor, I told her I didn’t like that and she said “this is who I am. What’s a vacuum for?”
And last night she blew up, crying that I treat her like a dirt bag and treat her in a inhuman way, by ordering her to shower, and telling her what not to do and how to treat my cat. I realize I’ve got communication issues because when I’m triggered and angry I tend to be harsh and critical and she just wanted a good time with me. About the cat, she was hinting at how my cat apparently is affectionate with her when I’m not around and when I’m around hes scared of me (which honestly is bullshit he’s around her now even when I’m there because he’s used to her). I think she’s a good person, love her and have a good time with her. I’m just triggered too. She’s hinting at how I should accept how people are, and knowing she’s messy should have expected and prepared for this instead of being triggered.
I am honestly still processing things. I don’t understand how much I can change to accommodate because I also feel it’s a fair ask to respect my boundaries in my home. She also told me I was sacrificing a friendship by fighting over a cat.
What advice do you have for me to fix this?
Tl;dr: friend who is extremely messy is staying over. She doesn’t respect my boundaries around the house by being clean, putting pants on, showering etc and it is triggering me. She also aggressively pets my cat which I have told her not to do but has blamed my parenting style for his being timid. She blew up at me last night saying I’m treating her like a dirt bag, in a inhuman way and she isn’t having fun. What do I do?
Submitted November 28, 2021 at 05:56AM by DartyGal503 https://ift.tt/3o8AKKt
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