My(35 f) partner (32 m) of 6 years and I are struggling to plan out our holiday plans and are both at a loss. Over the course of our relationship we have spent a lot more time with his family- they are a large family and mostly live in the same town where my bf grew up. During the pandemic we went there several times, sometimes for a month or more. A couple times we stayed in a different place to be safer and hung out outdoors with them, which worked out ok. I love his family and consider myself a part of it as do they.
Here’s the thing- I recently lost my dad in September, a very sudden and tragic loss, and way before his time. I had not seen him since 2019 which makes it even harder. It was a very intense experience and has brought me closer to my stepmom, and since returning home from the ordeal I have mentioned several times to my s/o how important it will be for us to be with her during Christmas this year, with everything still so fresh. Well now we are trying to plan things out and he says he wants to see his family for Christmas(his family doesn’t particularly give a big meaning to the day itself and doesn’t even do the gift thing really, so they wouldn’t care about the exact dates.) We also just saw them over the summer. He has stated that(because of the variants) the only way he can see to do this safely is to quarantine and stay in their house, which basically would not be an option if we were to fly to be with my stepmom. He has not offered any solutions other than saying he would understand if we spent Christmas separately, which honestly really upsets me. I just lost my dad and this is my partner of many years. I want us both to be there with my stepmom and figure out how to see his family after Christmas sometime. I am more than willing to spend the time and figure it all out and he hasn’t responded to any of my ideas(not staying in their house, frequent testing, etc…) We are both at a loss, and don’t feel understood and I don’t know what to do. My feeling is that if we are family, that’s not just when it’s convenient, and we need to be able to figure this out. I can’t seem to get it through to him why this is so important to me that we both be there with her and that we are together during Christmas, this first Christmas without my dad on earth. I don’t understand how it could be ok in his mind to not be with me during such a difficult time. He says he’s trying to take a lesson from my loss and make sure he spends as much time with his parents as he can. I’m not trying to stop him from doing so, but him suggesting that he do that in the place of being there for me and my family at this raw moment feels incredibly hurtful. Not sure what to do.
TL;DR: My boyfriend of 6 years doesn’t want to spend Christmas with me and my stepmom and fam even though my Dad just died.
Submitted November 29, 2021 at 06:23PM by beachwoodbanshee https://ift.tt/3djTsbP
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