(26M) It’s only been recently that I started losing a lot of respect towards him. I still live with my parents because we’re not very comfortable financial wise so we use our combined income to pay for mortgage.
Throughout my entire life I’ve seen my dad verbally and mentally abuse my mom, gaslighting her and holding grudges for small and petty mistakes she’s done that anyone could easily look past at, but not him. Small and petty things like her not being able to remember certain directions when she’s driving while he’s the passenger, he will belittle her and make her feel stupid then get angry. keeping tabs of important belongings she might lose/misplace/break then blame her for not being responsible enough, then constantly brings them up at the most random times. Like it’s really just lot of frustrating things my mom would unintentionally do but it’s not like they’re that severe to a point where you’d have to constantly belittle her and blow things out of proportion. One of the biggest grudges though was when my mom and I were house hunting while my father was working out of the province (with him being aware of course as we were ready to move into a house), and when we came across a decent enough house and secured a deal (at that point of house searching we were getting frustrated with our options and he literally said just pick any one within our budget), he came back to give it a look only to be very dissatisfied with our choice. We proceeded to buy the house anyway and at a good price since it needed some work, and every time something needed repair he would gaslight her, saying it’s all her fault for choosing this house, and all of this is on her etc etc. This went on for YEARS! Anyway, after some time he sort of chilled out about the house situation and the atmosphere stayed pretty calm for awhile. But now recently is where I’ve lost all respect for him. Basically he’s not working anymore, and my mom is one of the hardest working persons I know. She wakes up at 6 am then comes back home at 9pm and doesn’t even come home to a cooked meal or a “hi how was your day?”. She doesn’t wake up with lunch prepared for her, it’s like they’re complete strangers in this house. She’s too afraid to try to talk to him because it will always end in an argument without any sort of resolution and I’m really starting to worry for her mental health as I know it’s really messing her up. It’s not even about something she’s done for him to be like this, it’s just how he is now towards her, it’s like the new normal for him. The littlest thing could trigger him and back he goes to being condescending.
I grew up not being able to communicate properly with my dad because he’d never talk about his emotions with me, so that’s why I don’t have that sort of comfort to speak to him, even until now. We literally just do small talk. I’m so tired and frustrated with the way he treats her because she doesn’t deserve this, especially with how much she’s been through with him and how hard she’s working nowadays. She’s an amazing woman and she’d try here and there to play around with my dad to kind of break his pride but he never gives in, it’s like he has his own reality and can’t seem to see the bigger picture and how he’s really taking her for granted.
Guess I just needed to vent but I don’t really know what to do. I’ve asked her to try counselling but they don’t believe in that kind of stuff. I’m not close at all to my dad to talk about it with him either. I’ve asked her to maybe just leave, but she’s not up for that idea right now. I just don’t know what other options I have anymore.
TLDR; Im losing respect for my father who mentally tortures my mom who doesn’t deserve it and I’m starting to worry for her mental health and I don’t really know what to do
Submitted April 24, 2021 at 04:38AM by Idkn0tcreative https://ift.tt/3tMWFqU
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