He (40m) insulted my (41f) looks pretty harshly (again) during an argument and this time I just am having trouble coming back from it.

We have been together for 8 years. To paint the picture, we are both overweight (I'm 5'7" and 180lbs....when I met him I was 172lbs). He's about the same amount overweight as me.

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I feel uncomfortable with my weight gain over this past year and am trying different things to lose it. I'm finding it more difficult due to peri-menopause and some depression. But I don't chat with him about it...I am kind of sensitive about it and I don't talk about it (even when he talks about how he needs to lose weight). He often will remark that I'm not being "healthy". Or that if I eat a healthy meal I must be binging later (he doesn't directly call me fat, but obviously that's the idea).

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I had disordered eating when I was younger and I just feel a lot of shame in general about my weight, etc. Once during an argument he told me I should probably try losing 50 lbs and being a nicer person. Later I told him that was mean and simply meant to hurt my self-esteem.

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A year later he called me "fat" during a heated argument. I told him to look in the mirror.

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Anyway, last week we had another heated row (it obviously had nothing to do with looks). But he was very angry at me (via text) and I remained fairly calm (which made him angrier). Side note: 3 years ago he was texting inappropriately (bordering on an emotional affair) with an admin assistant at work. This has nothing to do with anything (unless you're the injured party like I was), but she's fairly boring looking by conventional standards. Not sure why but that seemed to be even more insulting to me at the time.

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So he said he was going to go text someone (said in a way to make me feel insecure). So I said "oh, the unattractive _____ you used to text?" The conversation that followed:

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him: How can YOU call anyone unattractive? You have a fat body with saggy boobs. If I were you I wouldn't call anyone unattractive.

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Me: Not this again. How can you call me fat?

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Him: you're definitely a lot bigger than me.

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Me: So you say. I'm not sure how you come to that conclusion.

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Him: And you refuse to acknowledge it. At this rate I'm worried about your heart giving out.

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This is all so immature on both our parts. And later he said he was "just trying to make me mad". But I've heard this a few times now and I'm fully convinced he means it deep down.

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So now I'm not even really feeling like getting past this. I think he truly does think I'm massive (and unattractive) and I just don't see how I can feel comfortable again.

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Is this something couple's counselling could fix?

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tldr: partner insulted my looks (again) when mad and now I don't know if I can get past it.

Submitted April 20, 2021 at 07:16AM by Commercial_Cake_7047 https://ift.tt/3tBgPEf