Hi everyone 💕
I don't write here often, but I'm at a loss about what to do right now.
Some context: I just turned 32 and my partner is 27, and I'm his first girlfriend. We've been together for almost 3 years.
In general, things are great and my partner is loving and wonderful... except that he wants me to change my voice.
Basically, he says the way my voice sounds sometimes makes him feel "on edge" and "not comfortable". According to him, the problem is that I sometimes talk with my chest voice, which makes my voice sounds restricted, and that I sometimes have a slight vocal fry when saying certain things. He's also bothered by my breathing, as I sometimes have an unconscious habit (e.g. when we're lying on the sofa watching a movie) to hold my breath for a while and then let the breath go quietly. Apparently, this usually happens at night when I just generally talk a little softer to wind down, or when I get excited and try to tell him a story/explain something. All of these habits are very subtle, almost unnoticeable, and nobody else I know (exes, friends, family) has ever said that I have a problem with my voice. I've talked about this with friends and family, and everyone says I have a perfectly normal voice and they've never noticed anything like this.
According to him, the habits take place 1-2 per day and it's enough to cause a serious problem to our relationship. It's gotten to the point where he's said that he can't live with someone long-term that makes him feel uneasy like this, because he's a high-running person and just needs to be able relax at home. He's been to a psychologist a few times to talk about what he could do to not get so triggered, but nothing seems to have helped so far. He's has asked me to do yoga, breathing exercises etc. to try to breathe and speak from a deeper register, and I guess this is what I should do if I want us to stay together. I'm of course willing to work on myself, but something about this also makes me question if we're a good fit together. It's very hurtful when something so ingrained as your breathing or speaking patterns are subject to criticism from your closest person.
All in all, I'm at a loss about what to do here and I don't know if I can see things clearly anymore. Is it reasonable for him to ask me to change something so fundamental about myself as to how I breathe and speak (which nobody else seems to have a problem with)? Or perhaps we just aren't such a good fit together as we thought? What would you do in my situation? I'm willing to work on myself, but this problem has been going on for 1,5 years already and it hasn't gone away despite us trying to work on it.
TL;DR Boyfriend doesn't like my voice because I occasionally use chest voice and sometimes have a small vocal fry. Asked me to change it with yoga, breathing exercises etc, or else can't be with me long term.
Submitted April 21, 2021 at 01:13PM by mangocoffeeclub https://ift.tt/3epvY4U
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