Hi /relationships gang. Apologies for any formatting, am pretty new.
Background: I have been with my partner for almost 6 years, she is ace and we are generally great together. But as we become a more solid relationship and I integrate into her family more I am struggling a bit with the dynamics of the family. My partner is the oldest of 3, younger brother "John" is 26/27, younger sister "Kate" is 23, her parents (M59/F58) are still together and have been since they were like 12. I spent the holidays with them, which were broadly pleasant but pretty stressful on the whole.
Conflict: None of the siblings get along very well, they constantly rub each other up the wrong way and regularly make rude remarks about each other which vary in intensity from being snide all the way through to downright outrageous insults. John is pretty bigoted in his opinions of things, but generally good company, and Kate is very used to getting her way and can be a real nasty spoilt brat. Parents try to 'rise above' and not take sides, but also chuck in the odd belittling comment about weight or 'lack of drive' or mocking personal interests.
My partner sees her role as eldest to keep the peace, which often means getting the brunt from all sides. I find it exhausting that basically any interaction (everyone going out for a meal, choosing a film, making a meal, anything) dissolves into everyone bickering about how everyone else is doing it wrong. It's like one of those old sitcoms, but not funny. Everyone seems to become like little kids.
Despite them all seeming to hate each other (in my opinion), they are all really close and so hang out as a big family pretty regularly. So it seems that I will be having to deal with this situation repeatedly.
Help: I find spending time with my partners family really exhausting, and worry that I'm going to snap at some point and be really rude and offend everyone. I'd appreciate any advice on:
- What I can do to help myself stay sane in this situation?
- How best to support my partner, who also struggles to stay sane in this situation?
- Whether there is anything I can do/suggest to stop everyone being so mean?
TL;DR - My partner's family all behave like squabbling children. It is exhausting and wears me down. Any advice on how keep myself from going mad / improve the situation?
Submitted January 02, 2020 at 05:56AM by HomebakedSatsuma https://ift.tt/35i2S10
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