So my family is fairly traditional middle eastern and my boyfriend of a little over a year is black. My mom has raised race as an issue before which I always shoot down and do not tolerate. He came over for thanksgiving and got along great with everyone and she seems to be satisfied with him, if not less vocal. His family is a bit turbulent and so he didn’t have anywhere to go for Christmas Day. He asked to come over and of course I said sure. I just mentioned to my mom that I said it was cool if he came by and she really blew up at me, talking about she has so much company coming over and it was rude of me not to ask her first. And that I’m “not in a real committed relationship” so I should “stop being so extra” trying to spend “every holiday” with him. My sister took her side, as usual, and they were both riding my ass about it, calling me rude and selfish and inconsiderate.
Now I’m at a loss. I truly don’t feel like I did anything wrong but it’s making me rethink everything. And I can’t even muster up any will to tell my boyfriend. Idk what to do, what to tell him, and frankly where to go on Christmas because I don’t want to be here. It’s my first serious relationship and I hate that I’m not taken seriously.
Words of advice and encouragement would be lovely. Also am I crazy for wanting to spend holidays together??
EDIT: a lot of responses saying it is inconsiderate to just expect the host to do a bunch of extra work for a guest last minute, and I completely agree. Like I said in a couple comments, I should add that there have been prior years where my siblings have brought extra friends over last minute under similar circumstances and it hasn’t been a problem. Also the fact that I’ve been back home and doing most of the work of prepping the house - everything from putting up all the decorations from inside to out, to cleaning to planning recipes and getting meals together the day of. To be honest I feel like just as much of a host as she does, especially because she’s asked me to do all this work (roughly 80% of what’s needed) and I’ve complied with no complaints because I want to help. And we’re literally always left with an incredible amount of food that could feed another family, so I don’t think worries of “do we have enough???” are that legitimate. I’ll agree, I could have asked her instead of told her, but hearing her response, I’m realizing it would have been the same whether or not I was “considerate.”
Tl;dr my mom said my boyfriend wasn’t welcome for Christmas dinner after I helped prep most of the house/meals and I think it’s because she’s being racist.
Submitted December 23, 2019 at 09:57PM by iconicorpsychotic https://ift.tt/2PTEKwZ
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