I (37F) was given an ultimatum about having kids so had kids and now considering divorce because I hate my life

Backstory: My wife and I are a same-sex couple – she is the bio mom to our twins which were born via IUI. I am the non-biological mom. Years before pursuing kids I was given an ultimatum: 1.) we stay together and have kids or 2.) we split up because I don’t want kids. I’ve always been a ‘fence sitter’ but I didn’t want to lose my wife, so I chose to stay together.

Fast-forward to now and the twins are about a year and half old. From the beginning they were very high-maintenance: severe colic and reflux. The first year was horrible and a living nightmare with non-stop blood curdling screaming and lack of sleep. I’m in therapy now for the trauma I haven’t been able to get over. The twins make me anxious most of the time, I rarely want to go anywhere in public with them for fear of yet another screaming session.

I care about the twins but if I could go back in time, I would have chosen the 2nd part my wife’s ultimatum. I get through each day by ignoring my own emotions and feel mainly like a robot that takes care of kids and does (all of the) housework and most of the cooking.

I love my wife, but I hate being a parent. So much that I’ve wondered if it would be healthy for everyone if we got a divorce. I’m overall very unhappy (likely depressed) and enjoy very little about being a parent. I keep hoping it will get better with time (as the twins get older) but it hasn’t. Each month that passes I’m still wondering if staying is the right decision. My wife doesn’t deserve an inadequate spouse that trudges through parenthood with little emotion for the kids. The kids feel like merely a chore to me and I’d rather be doing x, y, z.

If we were to divorce I would likely try to get every other weekend of custody and happily pay my fair of child support. I guess the main contemplation I have is, is my happiness more important or is staying in my family but hating/not enjoying life more important? I’m also an extreme introvert which doesn’t help the situation. I feel very jealous of the people in my life who have chosen to not have kids.

TLDR: My spouse gave me an ultimatum about having kids, we had kids and now I’m miserable and contemplating divorce.

Submitted December 21, 2019 at 04:34PM by javajav https://ift.tt/2ZfPE36