Due to the nature of my job and depending on the project I’m working on, I end up working with some new colleagues semi regularly. I make no secret of the fact I’m bisexual and have a partner, even around new colleagues. I work in the arts, so it’s usually a pretty accepting environment.
Anyway, we had a work Christmas party last night that I didn’t originally plan on going to (not celebrating Christmas this year for personal reasons) but ended up getting dragged along for one or two drinks (since I didn’t want to go into detail of why I’m not celebrating). I brought my partner along, which is standard for this sort of thing, and also meant I had some support and an excuse to leave early. Plus he’s way more extroverted than me and always loves a party or chance to socialise.
At this party, one of my newer coworkers who I’ve only been working with for a few weeks started referring to my partner as ‘[my name]’s gay lover” from the moment she met him (I heard her say it four times and I think my partner heard a fifth that I didn’t). It didn’t seem like it was in a disgusted way, but it made me really uncomfortable. I always use ‘partner’ when I’m talking about him to other people, and I introduced him/he introduced himself as such to everyone he hadn’t already met. The word ‘lover’ is weird enough for someone else to apply to my relationship, especially when she barely knows me, but the emphasis on our sexual orientation made it even more uncomfortable.
I think my partner made some shady joke when she did it to his face, I don’t really remember. But I did ask him not to say anything since I was already having a rough time and just wanted to leave quietly (which he respected and we soon ended up under a blanket on the sofa watching old episodes of Toddlers and Tiaras, because we live the high life out here and share a guilty pleasure in melodramatic, gaudy trash TV where we can judge people).
Am I wrong to feel grossed out and dread working with this woman again after these next few days off now? How should I handle this in a way that doesn’t make work generally hellish? What the hell was she thinking? Am I overreacting?
Tl;dr: new coworker refers to my partner as my “gay lover” repeatedly and I’m uncomfortable
Submitted December 23, 2019 at 04:32PM by dxmxmlxx https://ift.tt/2SkTQgM
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