Hello, looking for some feedback to get my head right on this.
My wife and I have two children under 12. We both used to be smokers, full time before the kids, then a cig or two at night together. When she became pregnant with our second kid, she quit again, and I did too, although I still chew nicotine gum. About a year after our second was born, she took it back up like before, a few cigarettes outside at night. Long story short, she had a major surgery and we learned about the opioid crisis first hand. She became a fulltime smoker amidst a nasty addiction to pills and anything else she could get her hands on, but went to rehab for 4 months (about 2 years ago) and has been doing awesome and is drug free and very involved with support groups. She kept smoking full time which I was fine with given all that had happened, but she wanted to quit and took up vaping. She has been off cigarettes for several months now and I'm very proud of her for that too. She began vaping in the house here or there, I asked her to stop, and she shrugged it off and said its not a big deal. I am not a medical professional at all, but at work a team I was on had to make recommendations about vaping policies, so I showed her studies about vaping residue. Right now, there are a mix of studies that say that vaping either leaves a residue of harmful particles or that its inconclusive. But in a household of people with asthma (myself the only one without it), I insisted and brought it up at marriage counseling, and only then did she agree to stop. It took another conversation at counseling to get her to agree to stop doing it in front of the kids (outdoors, etc), as our oldest son is getting near middle school age. Anyways, I've heard her vape thing crackle a few times when she was in another room or thought I wasn't asleep. Enough times that I'm positive, and I've smelt it, but she just denies it. I'm at a loss here. On the one hand, a drag here or there probably isn't a huge deal, but I wonder if she sits at home vaping when no one is home? The lying especially bothers me. I am by nature very anti-confrontational, and tend to stand down easily, but I'm working on that in our counseling, which we do about every other week. It isn't a lie about something shockingly major, but I hate the feeling of having an extra teenage child with silly little lies that erode trust. I know about the whole issue of addicts sometimes being behind in their "maturity" and have visited the al-anon board and al-anon meetings and she's admitted as much in counseling. I wanted a more general opinion on this, as addicting issues aside, we are in a marriage together and after enough counseling and meetings, I know that I DO deserve to not be lied to and feel secure about our honesty in our marriage. Am I making this a bigger deal than it is? Am I right to be angry? Any insight from anyone else from a similar situation? Thank you.
TL:DR: Wife is clearly lying about vaping in house with young children. I am non-confrontational, but working on it. Not sure if I should accept my anger or just whatever it.
Submitted November 23, 2019 at 10:49AM by cudada https://ift.tt/2Ohvd2h
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