I actually made a number of posts about that relationship, but especially appreciated the response for this one. Basically, we broke up. He was staying at my place a couple weeks ago for a while because his housing situation had gone to shit, we had a couple really big fights where explained that I wanted to break up since it didn't feel like we shared similar values, weren't able to communicate, and it wasn't a healthy relationship overall. He got very angry and start bringing up all the things we didn't agree on, things he was resentful towards me about. Turns out he was still very resentful about what happened during our first break up (which is a long, messy story in itself), and all sorts of other things that he had continually being unhappy with. He was super hostile, said I was being "manipulative by using breaking up as a threat to win arguments" (????????), that he was tired of being my therapist and parent (which is something I never asked for and explicitly told him to stop doing????), that I was "abusive" and "controlling" and an asshole, among other things. We had a 2-hour standoff (which was common for us) while he was packing to move out, nothing got resolved, he asked if he could leave and I said I never kept him from leaving, since all I wanted to do was say that I was breaking us up, he was the one who made it into an argument. He left and I haven't talked to him since.
I've been processing it with my therapist and some of my very kind friends, working on myself and focusing on doing things to make myself happier and build my confidence. I feel so relieved and more like myself after leaving the relationship. I realized that he had projected a lot of his internal misogyny and expectations onto me, that he had a lot of intensely repressed emotional baggage that, obviously, seeped into our relationship and made him have a lot less patience and empathy toward me than he would a regular friend. He also never paid me back for months of rent that I paid while he was broke and we were living together when we first moved together, effectively stealing around $2500 from me.
I'm in a good place, though, and I'm looking forward to what feels like will be exponential personal growth as I work on myself, my relationships, and my dreams, on my own terms. I hope to become a very strong and very gentle person.
Thank you so much to everyone who replied to my desperate need for validation on my side of the relationship. There were many kind and supportive responses and they really helped me realize that I wasn't crazy in thinking that he was being a jerk and giving me the strength to leave.
TLDR: We broke up because he was a jerk, I am very relieved and excited to have space for and work on myself. Thank you!
Submitted November 01, 2019 at 04:07PM by thrownawayaway88 https://ift.tt/34pNPSy
No comments:
Post a Comment