My inlaws [60s] have double standards about abuse and I [30 f] don’t understand or know how to handle it

My family was abusive to me. The physical abuse stopped mostly when I was a teen, after an incident where a family member tried to strangle me, but the emotional and verbal abuse lasted until I cut them out a few years ago. It was a straw that broke the camel’s back moment, and is one of the best decisions I have made. My husband has supported me every step. His parents have not, it’s better now, but at first it was awful. They just don’t get it. FIL is still good friends with my dad, and MIL occasionally fawns over what a great guy my dad is, despite the fact that they know he was abusive. MIL is very fond of my sister but my sister was the one who best me the most.

When I explained to MIL how I feel when she praises my abusers she told me I needed to learn to not feel bad about the past, forgiveness, and the importance of family. So I went to back to therapy and learned to let go of my hate and how to cope with people who don’t understand you or abusive family dynamics. My therapist also agreed that I should never see my family again and that was extremely validating and kind of made it better.

I’m having a lot of mixed emotions now that my inlaws have begun to villainize a family friend accused of punching his wife. The last 3 times I have seen MIL she has ranted about how she always knew that family friend was bad, that family friend’s dad was also an abuser and horrible person, and just a bunch of other stuff she suddenly finds terrible about family friend. The first time I was speechless and MIL didn’t notice. The second time I said that’s too bad and changed the subject. The third time my husband got involved and his family shouted about family friend. At one point my SIL even said someone was a terrible person for still being friends with family friend. FIL plays golf with my dad every weekend but no one has a problem with that. I can’t wrap my head around it. I thought that they believed all abuse should be forgiven, but apparently who has to forgive is selective?

My husband is just as confused and frustrated as I am. He has been trying to make me feel better as best he can but I don’t. I can’t stop thinking about why they are treating me and family friend’s wife so differently. My husband suggested that it could be because his parents don’t really believe me. I’m obsessed with knowing what’s the difference between family friend and my parents, but I’m afraid to ask because if it’s true that they don’t believe me it will be the most crushing feeling I’ve felt in years, probably since the straw that broke the camel’s back.

Tldr: I’m so confused. Why do my inlaws suddenly care who gets abused? Why is family friend evil but my parents are considered nice? Why do I have to forgive but she doesn’t? I want to ask them but I’m afraid the answer will ruin my relationship with them and mess me up

Submitted November 20, 2019 at 05:32PM by Bakedbeserk https://ift.tt/349fHL9