My boyfriend(27) is always following up on the goals I(27F) set for myself. My mom died four months ago, and I’m less than motivated. His questions feel like nagging and I’m so annoyed.

TL;DR My boyfriend thinks he’s helping by asking me if I’ve done this or that pertaining to my individual goals. It annoys me bc I can barely function enough to live normally and it makes me feel like he doesn’t have sympathy about my situation.

I’ve been wanting to go back to school for a few years now. I say it in passing that I really need to figure my stuff out and get the ball rolling. I said that before my mom died, and I’ve said it after, but every day with grief is different and my mental functioning isn’t what it used to be before my mom died. As much as I do want to go back to school, I don’t want to rush and waste money by not being able to focus or commit to it fully.

My moms estate isn’t settled yet and between me and my older three siblings it’s been a fight the entire time. I’ve cleaned out most of my moms house by myself and found all the paperwork/ closed accounts.

I will admit that I can tend to be pretty lazy. My boyfriend knows that sometimes him pushing me towards a goal helps, but when I don’t follow through on my own goals he gets annoyed with me. It irritates me bc whether or not I choose to pursue my goals is up to me. I don’t need someone reminding me that I, yet again, didn’t follow through.

I’ve explained that since my mom died it’s just harder to do anything and everything. It seems like he forgets, which I understand. He hasn’t lost a parent, we don’t live together so he doesn’t see how I am struggling daily with this.

At this point I feel like he thinks I use my grief as an excuse. That really irritates me bc I wish I could go back to the person I was before she died. I wish I wasn’t constantly trying to pull myself out of a black hole. I wish that i could wake up and not think about my mom being dead first thing every morning. I wish it never happened. But it did and I’m struggling.

I’ve told him that and he understand for a day or two then goes back to asking why I haven’t done this or that if I say I want to go back to school. I’m sick of reminding him that I’m sad. I don’t think he wants to hear that anymore anyways, I know I’m sick of feeling sad all the time.

I don’t ask him if he followed up on his personal goals. I applaud him when he does, but otherwise I don’t really say much. It’s not my job to check up on him following through on those things. If he has a goal and wants to achieve it he’ll figure it out. I’m there to help if he needs, but I don’t put pressure on him or nag him about it. I’m not his parent. I’m his partner.

I know he thinks it’s helping, but it’s not. It’s making me feel more isolated and misunderstood which makes me want to distance myself. I’m just so sick of everyone assuming I’m just ready to continue with life, or getting frustrated that I’m not doing “enough”. I’m surviving every day without my mom. That is hard enough for me right now. The world stops for no one, but my world did the day she died.

I know it’s my responsibility to pick myself back up and move on. But I’m not ready yet. I don’t know how to get that through his head. I’m so tired of explaining.

Submitted November 20, 2019 at 03:46PM by YBmoonchild https://ift.tt/35leBMA