My [28F] boyfriend [28M] of 5 years started AA a couple of months ago. He just broke up with me and tells me he never cared about me. Is it bad if I don’t want to help him anymore?

My boyfriend had troubles with alcohol since before I even knew him. I recognized the issue really early on in our relationship. Actually, 3 months after we started dating he was drunk and fell over a railing. He had a severe brain bleed, the doctors cut a hole in his scull to relieve the pressure and he was in the hospital for weeks.

That still didn’t slow down his drinking though. A couple weeks later he was back to his normal routine of drinking every night. He tries to lie to everyone and say he wasn’t even that drunk when fell over the railing, even though the hospital tested his BAC and it was .24.

He finally recognized he had a problem about 2 years ago but other people in his life tried to convince him otherwise and tell him that I’m just controlling. He’d try and quit for a week until he hung out with his friends and they would pressure him to drink and he would and a couple weeks later he’s stop drinking and then start again.

After 5 years of dating, he got 3 DUI’s. On the 3rd DUI was pretty hefty jail time. I stayed with him through the whole thing. I talked to him on the phone whenever he needed and wrote him letters of encouragement almost everyday. When he got out he had a twice a week outpatient therapy and had to go to AA meetings 3 times a week. I was still with him trying to help him through everything.

Fast forward a couple of months...he’s doing really well in AA. I told him constantly how proud I was of him. Then 3 weeks ago he drops a bomb on me. He tells me he’s on his 5th step in AA and he has to be brutally honest with himself. Well he tells me that when he’s honest with himself, he never actually cared about me. He never actually loved me. This is all through text to make things that much worse. He also mentions several times that he’s gonna reach out in a couple of weeks to “make amends” but he’s gonna block me from everything in the mean time and doesn’t want to talk. I’m blindsided.

I remember him repeating he’s going to eventually “make amends”. I assume it’s another step and sure enough that’s step number 9. He’s supposed to make amends with everyone that he’s hurt. I should be number 1 on that list. Is it bad if I don’t want him to make amends even if getting to the next step helps him? I just don’t want him to use me anymore. I’m still heartbroken and upset but I don’t think my mind will change. He used me for 5 years and I sacrificed so much to help him...now he’s going to use me again so he can get to step 10? I just don’t know if I could ever forgive what he did to me. How could he be with me for 5 years and never actually care about me? Not even a little? How could I ever forgive him for that or want to help him?

TL;DR: alcoholic boyfriend of 5 years goes to AA after years of me trying to help him with his alcoholism. Then because he confesses that he never actually cared about me but wants to make amends in a couple of months to help him pass another step for his program. I don’t want to make amends now even if it helps him.

Submitted November 20, 2019 at 10:05PM by Jillybeans11 https://ift.tt/2OwDSN9