My (35M) girlfriend (32F) broke up with me because we were moving too fast and never had an argument

Throwaway account here. For about 6 months until this past week I was in what I thought of as the best, happiest, healthiest relationship of my life. We met each other several months after each of us had ended 8 year long relationships that had been long past their sell-by dates. It seemed that we almost immediately clicked on a very deep level, could understand and see the other one, flaws and all, and accept them. Very similar interests, tastes in tv, movies, music, dispositions about when to go out and stay in, shared love of dogs (3 between us). We said our first I-love-yous after a month. Things took on a strong momentum. After a couple of months we were spending most of our spare time together, she met my family, we're making plans to split up the holidays and go on big international vacations; 4-5 months in and we're mutually discussing and getting excited about a long term future, blending our dogs into a pack, moving in together, etc. I understand that this is a fairly compressed timeframe but it really did seem organic and unforced. I could go on for paragraphs about what a kind and supportive partner she has been. A few weeks back her closest friend told me she had never seen her as happy as she's been since she's been with me. I certainly felt the same way. Not only have we never had an argument, we haven't even had a hint of conflict.

So all good until about two weeks ago. We took a long road trip in part for me to meet her family. Her family has very complicated dynamics. They're in a small town, quite intrusive with each other, intercede in and gossip about each other's affairs daily. They were very kind to me but it was clear that the introduction was causing my girlfriend quite a bit of anxiety and in retrospect I think she had probably been having anticipatory anxiety about the trip well ahead of time. Having said that, we had a wonderful time together. We were intimate with each other, I'm conservatively guessing, at least 5 times each day of the trip -- and I mention that only because I don't think it's something that anyone (or at least anyone who isn't a sociopath) can fake.

We came home, and I observed that she had become a bit less eager to spend time every day together than she'd been, but we were still having a blast when we were together and I didn't think much of it. The following weekend we went to a huge fancy Halloween party dressed in black tie and gown and she was as affectionate and loving as she had ever been to me. However, the following night, after we'd already been hanging out (intimately and otherwise) for a while, I sensed a fairly abrupt change in her mood. She became subtly distant and tense. I asked what was wrong; she said she was just feeling her usual anxiety as an introvert, as there had been so much we'd been doing lately, but that things were ok. Again I tried not to think much of it, although I took some space from her for the next couple of days.

Last Tuesday night we spoke on the phone for about 45 minutes, made plans for her to come to my place the next night after I picked her up from the train, and everything seemed normal. However, when I arrived to pick her up the next day, she was profoundly tense, almost twitching, and in a mood I had never seen her in before. This time when I asked what was wrong, she said she no longer felt good about the relationship, that she was feeling overwhelming anxiety about how fast we had moved, that she felt as if she were playing a part in something (and tried but wasn't really able to elaborate on what this point meant), and that she had to end it rather than try to wait for it to feel better. She specifically cited the fact that we had never had an argument as something that caused her fear and anxiety. I suggested that we step back and slow things down without making any big decisions, but after trying and not getting anywhere with that, we parted.

That was the last time we had contact. Since then I've told the story to everyone I know who knew and had observed us both together. They were all pretty stunned; they thought we were totally in love. Pretty much the universal assessment was that this was an understandable panic that someone might have 6 months into something that is getting serious, that the triggering incidents had to do with the family interaction, the upcoming holiday season and the gloom of this time of year, likely some projection coming out of her last relationship (I won't elaborate for the sake of brevity), and least of all anything to do with me. Everyone I've spoken to feels that this is the kind of breakup that isn't necessarily permanent and there's good reason to think we could be reconciled. Perhaps they were telling me what I wanted to hear, but these are people I trust to be honest with me if they felt I should just move on, and I think I presented an accurate recounting of the facts without any rosy gloss.

I don't want to delude myself, or feel pathetic, or get stung by another painful rejection. On the other hand, I'm 35 with a lot of experience in relationships, I think I know myself pretty well, and I've never felt this happy or as in love with anyone. So I'm not ready to give up. My plan right now is to take some space for myself for a couple weeks, probably go on a few dates with other people to at least feel good and desired, and then re-assess whether I still want to be with her. If I do, I thought I'd send a simple direct message along the lines of "How are you? I miss you."

I'd appreciate anyone's feedback about how to interpret all this and what to do next.

TL;DR My girlfriend and I seemed to be deliriously happy and had never had a hint of conflict, then she suddenly broke things off because of anxiety about getting too serious too quickly.

EDIT: thank you to everyone giving their advice

Submitted November 05, 2019 at 08:07AM by r0resection https://ift.tt/2rhs49u