Tl;dr: I'm devasted I can't compete with my boyfriend's phone for his attention and desire.
I'm head over heels for him. He's not perfect but I can't help it. Saturday, I got all dolled up for him for a party, we drank and had a lovely time dancing. We got home and I climbed in bed naked, waiting for him. He spent a while in the bathroom and then just went to bed. I checked his phone history (I know) the next morning since I was suspicious and saw that he was looking at pictures of Patreon models and old acquaintances' racy Instagram stories. He screenshots these and saves them. His phone has thousands of pictures of models, hentai, and acquaintances.
I don't have a problem with porn or masturbation or fantasizing about friends or whatever, but he doesn't touch me like he used to. We've only been together about 4 years and I've felt this way for the last 2. He doesn't put any effort into foreplay or fantasy. We go days without being intimate. He doesn't really care about my kinks or desires either.
I'm especially hurt this time because he promised to try no nut November (I know) for me. He was reluctant at first but then really seemed like he was trying. I know it's just a dumb meme but I was hoping to break his porn addiction cycle. I didn't push it too hard but I thought maybe this was a turning point for us.
He's lying to me, doesn't have sex with me like he used to, and I just feel so alone. I can't compete with the novelty of the internet. Should I just break up with him? This isn't our only issue, but it's the most important one to me. I don't really depend on him as a provider or anything like that. I don't care if he doesn't want to get a job, I'm not looking for financial support. I don't care if he lies to me, because he lies to everyone. I don't want to get married or have kids. I'm fine and independent and all that jazz. I just want someone to share my intimacy with and to be loved by and love. I don't bother telling him how I feel anymore because I can't stand to hear his empty promises and lies.
I've always tried to look like his dream girl and be his fantasy, but I know this isn't about my inadequacy, it's about his issues.
I think this was my breaking point, but we still have class together MWF until December. I have no idea what to do. I feel absolutely devastated because I stupidly got my hopes up about him again.
Does anyone have any experience with this? Has anyone had a bf or husband get over a compulsive porn habit? Any input appreciated. I want to hold out hope and help him but I just don't know if I have it in me.
Submitted November 05, 2019 at 09:00AM by ginabeebear https://ift.tt/2NQ6bG2
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