[UPDATE] Me [28 F] with my boyfriend[27 M] 2 years, Massive fights/ Panic disorder - need reources to fight/ communicate better

I posted a little while back about my relationship, and some struggles I was having. [Previous Post] The conclusion in the comments - I was in abusive relationship.

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I didn't want to hear it. I love him, he is so good to me. Things must be fixable.

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But I looked into the resources people suggested. I called the helpline. It was helpful to talk things out.I came to the conclusion I was being verbally abused.It is amazing how difficult it was for me to spot. He kept blaming him being so angry on things I did and said, so I tried harder to not make him mad. I tried harder to be a better girlfriend.

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Once I realized that the fighting might be abusive, I talked to him. He got so cold and mad. It was a giant wall. Where he kept telling me he warned me how he is, and how he can't change. It's not fair for me to ask him not to fight how he wants.

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I explained, I wasn't trying to silence him, he could still voice his frustrations, still get mad if he was mad, still have feelings. Just try and express them in such a way that didn't hurt me. We could take time to cool down, talk about things when they are small frustrations, before they become big things, etc.

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So we made it out of that discussion still together.

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Then 2 weekends ago, my Grandmother was dying. I spent all weekend with her at the hospital.Monday, she was still alive, but in bad shape.My Ex-boyfriend didn't get that much sleep that night, and was in a bad mood. He warned me he would be in a bad mood that day. So all day I was extra patient, tried really hard not to make him mad, tried really hard to make things easier on him.

That evening, we had some errands to run. They took longer than expected, so when we got home there wasn't much time to cook dinner. he was in the kitchen making his dinner. I had picked up bread and stuff for a salad for my dinner, so I wouldn't have to cook and be in his way while he is in the kitchen ( he hates when people get in his way while he is cooking). I was just putting my salad on a plate, then going to get out of his way, when he bumped a box on the counter, and something fell on his foot. He then lost his shit. I immediately got out of his way, and left the kitchen. I would go back and get my dinner after he was done.

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So I am sitting in the other room, waiting for him to be done, when he yells "I am going to my parents".

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My first thought 'what did he forget at his parents that is so important he would go out tonight?'

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So I call back "Okay!"

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He yells back "I might not be back tonight."

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Now I am completely and totally confused, "Okay?"

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He leaves.

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He messages me shortly after "Why are you so inconsiderate?"

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I respond with how confused and frightened I am.

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Then follows a flurry of messages of how terrible and inconisderate I am. My appologizes for getting in the way don't work. He is madder that I then walked away after he got mad at me. (that is the one thing that makes him madder than anything, if I walk away.)

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After a couple of hours of sobbing in bed, I decide this is not okay, and I am going to spend the night at my parents.

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That night, my Grandmother died.

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After that night, I started reading about Verbal Abuse.

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A few days later, I talk to him about it. About how I am so scared of him, how I am scared to make him mad.

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He tells me I don't love him. In his family, if you really love someone you will stay no matter what. In his family, they yell and scream, and take out their frustrations on each other. But at the end of the day they still love each other.

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(How the hell is that fair??? I have to accept being yelled at, accept someone who won't let me leave when they are mad, who twists my words, and makes me out to be the worst person in the world. Especiall when all I am trying to do is make him happy.)

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He tells me he can't change.

As soon as I tell him I talked with a Counsellor about this, his attitude changes. He tells me that saying "abuse" has put a ticking clock on our relationship.

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We Broke up.

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I am not okay. I am a complete mess. I am so unbelivably hurt and confused. When he isn't mad, he is so wonderful. Why is it too much to ask to not be yelled at, to not be snapped at, to not be blamed for everything.

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I am not perfect, I make mistakes, I am not great at handling confrontation. But I try.

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So, he was absuive to me. But I feel devestated. It's not fair.

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Tl;DR : Boyfriend is becoming more verbally abusive, I ask him to try and change, he blames me for not loving him the right way. We break up, I am a mess.

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How do I get past this? Also, we work together, how do I manage this?

Submitted November 05, 2019 at 11:19AM by tossedasided https://ift.tt/2NNk8V5