I (34F) am feeling burnt out handling my husband’s (40M) multiple crises and feel like a bad person.

Background: Married four years. Both work full time in stressful but fulfilling careers. I also am dealing with a chronic illness (rheumatoid arthritis (RA)) and am generally in a good amount of pain.

My husband always seems to have an emergency - this year alone, he’s left two jobs due to issues getting along with the boss or stress. He’s had family drama involving another relative’s estate. He racked up 30k of credit card bills unnecessarily on high interest cards and now we’re struggling to make ends meet. He has severe untreated anxiety/depression and will come home two to three nights a week and end up ranting or panicking and ending in tears. He was previously on antidepressants but went off cold turkey because he didn’t want to be on pills, which then sent him into a dangerous spiral. He steadfastly refuses to get any help and says it would be too traumatic to talk to a therapist.

I am dealing with a fair amount of stress myself. I’ve had two RA flares this year and am in a terrible one right now, so I essentially am barely able to muster the energy to drag myself to work and then collapse in bed afterwards. My joints feel like someone smashed them with a hammer. I have been seeing my doctor every two weeks as we try to get this under control.

That being said, I dread coming home. I am at the end of my emotionally rope, and can’t deal with emotionally supporting him on top of everything else. I’m starting to react very coldly to him - essentially, I told him if he’s not going to help himself (therapy), then I don’t want to hear about how terrible his day was or how badly he’s feeling. I’ve had RA for close to ten years, and am very cognizant of how exhausting it is to be with someone who’s always sick or needing something, so take a lot of effort to be independent and not lean on others, and I’m frustrated he’s constantly expecting me to build him up.

I don’t feel good about how I’ve been reacting to him (essentially - “I need you to figure this out. Something shitty is always happening to you. You are the common denominator”) which then makes him feel like I think he deserves everything he’s going through and don’t care.

I’m at the point where I’m considering a divorce because I’m too exhausted to handle myself and someone else. I love my husband and we communicate regularly, so he’s aware that I’m at the end of my rope. He’s made some effort, but still is requiring too much of my energy. Partners are supposed to be there for each other, but I just am so burnt out. Is there a way out of this, or is divorce my best option?

TL;DR - Husband is constantly needing my emotional support as he goes from crisis to crisis. I am dealing with my own issues, and am burnt out from helping him. It’s to the point where I’m reacting very coldly and don’t want to be around him. Considering divorce, but don’t know if there’s another option.

Submitted November 23, 2019 at 02:11AM by throwaway867372 https://ift.tt/2QJw9xR