I’ve been with my boyfriend for 2 years, although I’ve known him and his family for close to a decade because we all went to the same school and ran in the same social circles. His sister just got married and she and her now husband have been together for 7 years.
For the last 5 years, they started a weekly Sunday dinner that included my boyfriend (who was single at the time), their dad, my boyfriend’s sister and her husband. When I started dating my boyfriend, he insisted on including me in their family dinners within 2 months of us dating and I relented because it seemed harmless. We alternate between the 3 houses and have dinner, play cards and have dessert after. It’s a great time.
During the last 2 years, I’ve made a HUGE effort in involving myself in my sister-in-law’s life. We went out monthly, planned girls days together, planned birthdays and I did everything to help plan her wedding, including the bridal shower and bachelorette party. I considered myself very close to her and adored her very much. I honestly thought she felt the same way.
About a month ago, SIL and I got into our first argument, which was a huge misunderstanding but she took it and ran with it. She somehow convinced herself that I was disingenuous about our entire relationship. She insulted me and my family. It was all really hurtful- but the worst part was that she called myself and my family “intruders” on her family time. I was blown away. I thought she enjoyed spending time with me and we had so much fun at family dinners. She was always a willing participant when we hung out. It really stung.
We haven’t really spoken in a month, whereas we would talk weekly. She did apologize and admitted she overreacted but maintained that she meant what she said- although she said she no longer feels that’s way- and I find it very difficult to get past the fact that she always felt like I was intruding on her family time. Who knows how long she felt this way? Our relationship is forever damaged.
Now that the holidays are coming, I have no idea what to do. I don’t want to cause drama but now that I know she never enjoyed spending time with me or my family, I don’t know how to split holidays. I have a fantastic relationship with their dad and want him to have dinner with us but I don’t feel comfortable bringing my niece and mom anywhere near her. I also know if I don’t go to her dinners, she’ll throw a hissy fit because she thinks she can treat people like crap and then apologize and everything is okay, apparently.
What can I do? I want to spend time with his family AND mine but I don’t see a way around this. Especially since the holidays are the only time I can spend with my mother because she works two jobs.
TL;DR SIL called myself and my family “intruders” on her family time and I don’t know how to split holidays with my own family so I can spend time with them, which is usually the only time of year I get to see them.
Submitted November 07, 2019 at 08:11AM by unfortunate_kiss https://ift.tt/33sSDqd
No comments:
Post a Comment