Some back story:
My husband (36m) and I (31f) have been together for a long time but only married about a year. We are both relatively young and neither of us had any major health problems until now. However, this year has been challenging. I had some digestive issues and reduced my hours to part time a few months ago, and he got injured at work a few weeks ago. It has been an eye opening experience.
At first, it was good. I was happy to help take care of him (at the expense of my progress, but didn't mind too much) and he felt cared for due to the fact that I was being so accommodating. Recently, we had a weekend trip that was related to a hobby of his that he was really excited for. I wasn't going to go originally, but I did so I could make sure he was taken care of and could take it as easy as possible. (Not going was not an option for him, and I wanted him to be as safe as possible.) I really gave it my all to make sure he had a great time, because the trip meant a lot to him. For the most part, that went well. Again, I was giving it my all (despite continuing to spiral downwards on my own health improvements). He seemed grateful for the support.
The second we got back from the trip, things took a nasty turn. He forgot an item and we had to go back to get it, and he was mad I asked him to get it because I was exhausted. He told me I had no reason to be exhausted and that if I was, it was basically my own fault for my decisions regarding poor food choices and sleep hygiene. Basically, that I did it to myself, and therefore I didn't really have the right to feel the way I do. That is a sentiment he has continued to repeat over the past few, very nasty days.
Since we've been back, I worked early shifts two days in a row. They were difficult emotionally for unrelated reasons, but still hard. Regardless, I still unloaded and packed from our trip the night before I went back to work. I still went to doctor's appointments with him both days, including driving to several places the first day. I went grocery shopping, carried all the groceries in (because he refused to help even with lightweight bags), and put away said groceries the day I also drove him around for medical appointments and out to lunch, after minimal sleep the night before. Today was the second day after we got back, and I worked, came home, and he refused to let me take a small nap. I submitted online paperwork for him and I to receive money online. I made an appointment related to my health (finally). I asked him to drive to the day's errands and he agreed. I got home and immediately spent hours prepping and cooking a meal he said he'd make and was excited about. I'm EXHAUSTED.
His responses have mostly been nasty. He called me lazy and inconsiderate because I insisted he retrieve his own item one day. He continued to "prove his point" by saying I shouldn't have asked him for other minuscule help over the past couple of days - all of which he has rejected and I have done myself anyway. Whenever anything has been slightly inconvenient, he has came at me antagonistically, implying with nearly every interaction that I am either incompetent, selfish, lazy, or any combination of the three. He is resentful that he had to do his own laundry, that I haven't stored everything away from our trip yet, and that I asked him to drive for an hour or two today. (For the record, I did his laundry last week, I did all the loading and unloading of items and I'm still catching up on putting things away, and I have done 99% of the driving for the past several weeks.) He refuses to apologize and thinks the time and energy intensive meal I made was good enough that he cleaned some dishes and counters (not all of them, mind you) and that should be thanks enough because I'm not doing enough.
Basically, he thinks I should do so much more, that I resent him for being injured, and that I'm inconsiderate and lazy. I feel like I'm doing what I can and he should be appreciative. I agree that I resent and despise him right now, but not due to his injurt; I resent and despise him for the awful way he's treating me and the unreasonable expectations he has for me when I'm trying to keep my own life at least somewhat afloat. I'm just so frustrated and upset and I am not sure what to do.
Can someone give me some advice on what I should do tomorrow? Today was a disaster!
TL;DR My husband is hurt and doesn't think I'm doing enough to take care of him. I feel like I'm doing everything I can and don't like how he is treating me poorly while I do it. Any friendly advice on how to get through tomorrow and beyond?
Submitted September 05, 2019 at 01:44AM by abouttolosemyshit0 https://ift.tt/2NRRfbQ
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