My (35/M) wife (35/F) is emotionally involved with a student (20/M) at the university where one of her friends teaches.

I travel for work for about a week each month. Not sure how to explain the situation but basically I've been noticing some changes in my wife's behaviour. As if she has something on her mind. When I ask she tells me it's nothing and then either initiates sex or changes the topic to try and distract me. The first couple of times it worked but then I began to grow a bit suspicious. I spoke to a trusted friend about this and they agreed that something was certainly different at the very least.

Because I wasn't getting any information from my wife directly, I decided to try and figure it out on my own. I'm ashamed to say that I did actually follow her to lunch once. She said she was meeting a friend from work that we both know but as I soon figured out, she was actually meeting another man. Not really even a man. A boy. They met up outside of a café on the other side of the city. Near the university where her best friend happens to teach. I didn't stick around for long. I just saw them hug and go inside and then I took off.

When I texted her asking how lunch was going, she gave me some bullshit story about her friend being late. After that I went on her laptop and found a bunch of emails between her and that boy. Not only was he still a student, he was also one of her friend's students. Apparently they had met at a poetry reading that her friend had organized and had invited my wife to attend during one of the weeks that I was away. Going by what they've said, nothing physical has happened. But the boy is definitely "in love" with her and makes no show of hiding it. They meet at that café when I'm not in town. For now they haven't taken things "too far" but there's romantic interest on both sides. It's been going on for just under three months. He hasn't spent the night at our house but she has spent the night at his apartment.

I read the emails three days ago. The moment she came home I tried to bring it up but I couldn't bring myself to do it. I just asked her about lunch again and she lied to me ... again. Now I'm away for work, trying to figure out the next step in all of this. Although she hasn't physically cheated, she has lied to me multiple times for the past three months all for the sake of a boy who is young enough to be her son. I really don't know what any of this means or what I should do. In the emails she claims that she's still in love with me (or maybe she just said that so the boy doesn't get too attached) which is the most confusing part of this all. If she wants to be with someone else, then by all means she should leave. Clearly she wants something more that she's not getting in our marriage.

When I'm back in town I'm going to talk to her about this. I have to. I just don't know what to say. It was all in front of me. Talking to her is just giving her the opportunity to manipulate the situation. But I do want to hear it from her. I just don't know if that's going to happen.

On the one hand I want to give her an out so we can work through this in therapy, but on the other hand this is too much as it is and she's already proven that she's capable of lying to me and sneaking around. What should I do?

tl;dr I found their emails. It's all there. I haven't talked to her about it yet because I'm away for work but I'm going to talk to her the moment I'm back. I just don't know what to say or what to expect or how to go about this. Honestly I'm still in shock. This was the last thing that I would ever have expected.

Submitted August 01, 2019 at 01:08PM by cheatingemotionally https://ift.tt/2GJuen0