My [45F] mom just threatened to take me [15FtM] off of my ADHD meds because she was upset. She makes me scared all the time. What can I do?

My mom has never been the nicest. For as long as I can remember, she's been counting calories for me, takes away my food after I've had a bit ("because you don't need that much food"), and hasn't stopped to this day. Age 9, she used to force me into the bathroom a lot to pop my acne "because you can't go out of the house looking like that" which left scarring on my face. When I started middle school, and even now in high school, she hates when I talks to the school counselors at all, because "you're missing class time".

She likes to yell at my dad too. One day she came home from work, and my dad didn't have lunch ready for her like he promised (he was out shopping for food when she got home). Long story short, she screamed insults at him over the phone, stomped around the kitchen making herself a bowl of cereal, and when I started crying, she got pissed. "Sorry I'm not allowed to feel emotions"... she'd say. "Sorry I have to cater to your emotions all the time". "People don't exist to please you". Etc etc. That's just one story of MANY.

Once she tried quitting smoking cigarettes. She makes me do my homework at the kitchen table, because she doesn't trust me to do it in my room. I took my binder and sat on the couch a room over to do it there. She doesn't want me upstairs, so that's fine, right? No. She screamed and screamed about how me and my dad never listen to her, about how unappreciated she feels, and how she's going to "leave and never come back! You two will have to take care of each other!". She started yelling at just my dad, and when I got up to leave, she forced me back into the kitchen chair. I finally got upstairs to cry (something she ALWAYS gets mad at me for doing), and she said something that hurt the worst. "I used to be so happy. You make me feel so bad about myself.". I hate feeling like I ruined my mother's life. But it's hard not to when she told me that I did.

We just had another argument. I came downstairs to talk to my dad, and she asked why I didn't do the dishes. That's the chore I have to do after dinner, but it slips my mind a lot because of my (professionally diagnosed) ADHD. I told her I forgot and that I'd do them right now, and she blew up. "Your chore for years has been to do this one thing, and I still have to tell you? You're 15 years old and you aren't even responsible? You said taking this stimulant would help you! You need to try harder!" When I asked try harder at what, she said "Paying attention! Since it isn't even working, I might as well take you off it!"

I'm hurt. I may be overreacting, but I'm hurt. What can I do? It's summer break, so I can't tell a school counselor. I'm hiding in my room right now. I want to go downstairs because I'm hungry, but I'm too scared because she might still be down there. I don't want to live like this anymore.

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TL:DR: My mom is making me scared to do or say anything in my own house and has been for years and years. I don't know what to do because it's summer vacation so I can't talk to a school counselor or teacher.

Submitted July 23, 2019 at 05:03PM by iridcore https://ift.tt/2M8Ssur