Long time reader first time poster. Not sure what I'm looking for... I guess just advice and support. Hopefully this is the right subreddit.
I can't believe I'm posting this, it doesn't seem real and I've read similar stories before never imagining it could happen to me, but here it goes...
Quick backstory:
I first met my wife in Nov. 2006. I was 19 and a college sophomore. She was 18 and a freshmen. We have been living together for 11 years, owned our home together for 6. We have a 3 year old daughter together and found out she was pregnant in September 2018 with my son. He was born June 6, 2019.
Over the past couple months I've felt like we had both been distant from each other. I didn't think anything too bad... just not talking as much, having more smaller fights, generally just feeling "off". I felt rejected and unwanted a lot but blamed it on her being pregnant and just needing space. I think I started to feel this way around February when we had a somewhat big argument. We finally talked about some of these issues a couple weeks ago, how we had felt distant and she said she had felt alone and unsupported. I told her I understood where she was coming from, acknowledged I wanted to work on things, communicate more, and just be a better husband for her. I really wanted to work on things and make everything "perfect". I wanted her to feel like should could always talk to me and that I never wanted her to feel alone. I felt terrible for how she had felt without realizing there was such a problem. She wanted to start couples counseling, which is scheduled for Thursday. She had even said she noticed things improving and that I had really been trying since we talked.
Then, just 2 days ago. She admitted to me she started having an affair with a coworker in November which lasted until March. I was so shocked and in disbelief. I couldn't imagine her ever doing that. Especially while she was pregnant with my son. I feel so disgusted. I know things weren't perfect the last couple months, but I never realized there was an issue as early as November or bad enough to have an affair. I feel so hurt and betrayed that she was seeing someone else while we were a family together. We had family outings, buying each other christmas gifts, bringing our daughter to see santa at the mall, bringing her to her first haircut appointment together, her 3rd birthday. But during all of that time she was seeing someone else. It all feels like its been a lie, she put on a happy face and continued on like normal. I never would have guessed she was having an affair for those months. I know things between us weren't perfect, and there were times I could have been better and took her for granted, but I never could have never expected this. November is also when we stopped having sex. She told me at the time she was uncomfortable and worried about bleeding. I was disappointed but wanted to support her and didn't make a big deal out of it. But it turns out she was rejecting me because she was seeing somebody else.
After talking for the past day, shes told me shes felt alone and unsupported for a while, maybe for a year before the affair. I honesty never knew that was how she felt. I feel so destroyed and hurt that she never even talked to me that she had felt that way for so long. So betrayed that she was seeing someone else for months while putting on a show and acting like things were ok at our house. She said she started seeing this other guy because she felt connected to him, but distant from me for so long. It hurts that she could feel that way while we've built a family together and been together for almost 13 years. That she could so easily feel connected to a guy she only knew at work for 2 months but not her husband who was at home taking care of our house and daughter. I know I haven't been perfect and I can be distant at times, but I feel like I never did anything to deserve this. I honestly don't know what to do. I'm torn if I should give our marriage one last chance even though I don't know if I could ever forgive and trust her again. Or just call it quits and respect myself enough to not be with a cheater.
tl;dr Wife had an affair with a coworker while pregnant. Feel devastated and don't know what to do.
Submitted July 13, 2019 at 11:07AM by blizzard8719 https://ift.tt/2XMAbFx
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