My [24 F] boyfriend [26 M] of 6 months told me that I need to "unlove" the men from my past before I can love him.

I've been dating Mark for 6 months and have known him for around 8 months. I just moved to my current city 9 months ago for grad school, and Mark was one of the first people that I become close with. He's been really great and helped me feel comfortable in a new city.

Recently, Mark and I said "I love you" for the first time. Everything was fine for a while until he told me that I was the first person he's ever said that to. I was a little surprised but not in a bad way, and didn't really make a big deal of it. He asked me how many other guys I've said it too. I told him 1. That seemed to bother him.

Mark knows that I'm still occasionally in contact with one of my exes (Eli) and it has never been an issue for Mark. However, after our conversation, Mark asked me if Eli was the ex that I had said I love you to. I was honest and said yes. Background: Eli and I grew up together and dated from when we were 15 to 22. We broke up when I got accepted to grad school and found out I'd have to move across the country, because we realized that we had grown into different people and weren't going to spend our lives together. The breakup was extremely amicable and we remained close friends while I was town before I moved, and we talk maybe once a week currently - just basic "how are you" texts.

Mark asked me how I feel about Eli now. I said that while I don't love him romantically anymore, he was a huge part of my life since childhood, and I still have very positive feelings about him and consider him an important person. Mark kept pressing, asking me if I still "love" Eli in any sense. I said that no, I am not in love with him, but Mark almost didn't seem to believe me? He kept prodding me until I finally said that I will probably always love Eli as a person and respect him a lot, but that I have no romantic connection to him and fully accept that we are different people now. Mark was upset by this.

The next day, Mark told me that he doesn't think that I can truly love him unless I learn to "unlove" the men from my past. I asked what he meant - and again clarified that I am not in love with Eli - and he said that I should retain no love in any form for any other guys I've been with. I was, quite honestly, shocked and tried to explain to him that me loving someone as a friend is totally and completely different than being romantically in love with someone, and that he is the only one I have those feelings for. He insisted that I need to change my feelings about Eli. He almost seemed mad that I'm not resentful over the breakup.

I feel like I'm taking crazy pills. Is this totally weird and out of line, or am I overreacting? Just to be clear, Eli and I talk very sparingly. Probably 10 texts a week, if that, just to check in. I have NO feelings for him anymore. But he was a huge part of my life for many, many years, and I don't think it's unreasonable for me to have generally positive feelings for him. Is Mark out of line, or am I?

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TLDR: boyfriend says I have to "unlove" my ex before I can love him; I clarify that I love and respect my ex as a person, but have no romantic love for him; boyfriend is deeply upset; who's being unreasonable?

Submitted July 12, 2019 at 09:09PM by big_platypus_ https://ift.tt/2jIePLx