I (34F) have been happily married to my husband (41M) for 5 years. We've got 3 kids. Together we've made a family and help each other's dreams come true - both life goals and careers. We lead a generally charmed life. But like all relationships, none is completely perfect. We have different love languages, words of affirmation (mine) and acts of service (his).
For the most part we overcome this by making a bit of extra effort to speak each other's love language. I do some of his chores during the week. He occasionally pays me a compliment (maybe 3 times a week).
However, the trouble started after we'd had our 3rd child. We hadn't had sex for 9 months and when I brought it up, he was shocked! He could hardly believe it had been that long, but when he looked back he could see it was true. We had sex once after that conversation, and then nothing again for a few months.
About 6 months after our baby was born, I started to feel really down about the way I looked. I hadn't lost all of my pregnancy weight (about 1kg over, but still totally within the normal BMI range). I felt fat and flabby and saggy. I tried to mask over this insecurity by just ignoring it for a while as I'm generally bubbly and confident, but the lack of sex made me seriously doubt whether my husband was even still into me.
Google didn't help. All I could find were either stories of men who wanted more sex than their wife (I wish, ha!) or people telling women their husband wasn't into them anymore.
All of this is complicated by the fact that I can't be the one to initiate sex as this can turn him off. And I also didn't want to pressure him into sex so I just for the most part tried to make myself as attractive as possible and then wait for him to notice.
It all came to a head one night when I burst into tears and confessed all my struggles to him. He was very sympathetic and also worried because of course he wants me to be happy. He explained that he just has low libido, nothing to do with me, and that as far as he's concerned he'd happily never have sex again in his life!!! Not that he didn't enjoy it or anything but he could live without sex no problem. He realised as a result of this conversation that I didn't feel the same way and he'd make an effort to initiate sex more often.
Since then things have improved a lot, we have sex 1-2 times a month now. And we both enjoy it tremendously!
But I still feel like I want more sex. And I still feel unattractive. Past partners couldn't get enough of me, they were always telling me how sexy I was, kissed me every day, looked at me like they wanted me, etc. I have always been treated like a sex goddess. He rarely even looks at me.
I am only 34 - I feel too young to be "shelved" like this!!! Frankly I don't know if I'll ever want to be "shelved" but definitely not in my 30s!
I am frustrated that I can't talk myself out of feeling this way no matter how much I try. I am happily married. I am off the market. I shouldn't care whether or not I am attractive! It should be enough to know that my husband finds me attractive even though he never says so and only has sex 1-2 times a month. This should be enough and it's already 10x more than before.
But I can't stop my feelings. I miss sex. I hate what I see in the mirror almost every day and I never used to be like that. I want to feel like a goddess again!
Any advice? Any way to make myself feel better without asking my husband to change?
TL;DR: We have sex 1-2 times a month. Husband rarely gives me compliments. I feel unattractive. I want to feel like a goddess. Advice please.
Submitted July 04, 2019 at 12:21PM by DemiSeren https://ift.tt/2YAozqi
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