I [27m] am extremely confused by an encounter I had with my gf’s [29f] ex[29m] and I don’t know if I should run for the hills or what?

This is kind of a long story and I don’t know if I can do it justice through text.

So I started dating a girl about three weeks ago. We’ve been on four dates and it has gone well so far. She is divorced(-ish) with kids. I knew that from the beginning.

She does not talk about her ex(-ish) husband yet, except to say he was an overall good guy who had some personal issues that eventually led to the failure of their marriage.

I didn’t think much of it and carried on.

Then came Thursday morning. I had slept at her place. The next morning she told me her ex was stopping by to do something relating to the kids. She just asked me to be polite and said he would be the same.

The dude shows up and is obviously surprised to find me there. The encounter was one of the most awkward and unsettling things of my life. I don’t know if I can properly describe how it felt through text. He was fucking scary. Not in a raging, veins bulging, red faced kinda way. What made him so damn scary was that he was very clearly very angry at my presence, but he was very, very calm about it. He didn’t yell and scream, he didn’t threaten to hit me or anything. He extended his hand and wished me a good morning, but with a look in his eyes and undertone in his voice that elicited venom. It was like looking in the eyes of a cobra right before it strikes. It probably doesn’t help that he has about six inches on me and is still in ex-Army shape, so i don’t doubt he could turn me into a pretzel if he decided. And, in spite of the above, he came across as a very smart guy, which somehow made him just a bit scarier.

He obviously was unhappy with the situation and dipped out shortly afterward. The girl and I agreed it was an uncomfortable situation.

I saw him again last night. I was alone at a popular bar downtown. The downtown area of my city is pretty small and everyone of our age tends to congregate there, so it isn’t too unusual to run into people you know.

I was sitting at a bar and suddenly felt a hand on my shoulder. I looked up and found the ex. I kinda tensed and prepared for some confrontation. Instead he asked if he could sit and buy me a beer. Not knowing what else to do I agreed.

He bought me a beer and then started to talk. He told me, in no uncertain terms, he did not like me. But then he told me it was nothing personal.

According to him the girl had not told him she was dating again; nor that I would be there when he came over. So he was blindsided. He also told me very clearly that he did. Not. Like. That I was near his kids. I had been kinda casually playing with them when he came by.

Then he said something else that kind of set off bells when he said something like he had expected her to wait until their divorce was finalized before dating. He saw a surprised look on my face I guess, because he continued something like “Guess she didn’t tell you it isn’t final yet, huh.” I told him she hadn’t, he didn’t seem surprised.

He left after that, but he told me again he didn’t like me, but it was nothing personal. And he added that it was going to be a “problem” if he found out I was alone near his kids again. Then he shook my hand and bid a good night and left.

I have no idea what to make of any of this. I like the girl, and I want to continue seeing her, but holy cow I was not ready for that kind of ex. I’d almost prefer he was the raging angry kind, because they’re at least predictable. This guy.....I have no idea what to make of it. It’s unsettling.

What do I make of this situation? What is this guys play with the whole “clearly-enraged-but-calm-and-polite” thing? It’s like a classy James Bond villain and I find this behavior frightening.

Run for the hills or ride it out? Advice for dealing with scary ex? Please help!

TL;DR: Gf’s ex is kinda terrifying in a very subtle way, and I don’t know how to handle it. I’m unsettled by our whole encounter and don’t know what to expect from him in the future. Advice?

Submitted July 06, 2019 at 12:56PM by BeneficialAlarm8 https://ift.tt/2S8yWzv