Non-romantic issue: I [24M] have changed and cannot relate to my childhood best friend [25F] anymore. She insists on being best friends.

Simply put, people change. People's interests change and develop throughout their life, and not all friendships or relationships last as a result of this change.

Throughout my life, I used to be very geeky, socially awkward, and introverted. Not to mention overweight. However, after graduating college, I got a job in sales and market at a tech firm, and have taken it upon myself to improve myself socially and health wise. Improving socially was a necessity professionally since sales is basically all soft skills. But doing so has immensely improved my personal life too, so I'm happy with the choices I've made and the changes to my personality I've undergone.

They say surround yourself with the people you want to be like, so I do it with people who are fit, who are socially skilled and successful, and what not. I'm not as intellectually smart as I was as a CS major in college, but I'm a lot more well rounded now: I'm into bodybuilding, I have a great dating life, I have a ton of friends and I'm social, and I have developed an interest in fashion.

My ex best friend however is the same and reminds me of my old self that I want to get away from. She is into a lot of unconventional niche interests like Japanese visual novels and dressing up as anime characters for cosplaying. She is overweight and uninterested in fitness, fashion, or nutrition. She is proud of being socially awkward and bucking social trends by wearing black lipstick and dying her hair purple. Whenever we meet up, she talks about really obscure stuff that I may have been interested in when I was more nerdy. She is extremely smart in STEM subjects and has a passion for physics. But now that I'm not in academia, I can't follow her anymore when she uses big words on really technical topics when I'm just trying to have lunch.

Now that I have more conventional interests (I'm getting a lot more into sports, originally to fit in at my sales culture at work but I genuinely like it now), I can't at all relate to the stuff she likes or talks about. She was so shocked when I said I don't watch anime anymore.

I'm not judging her or saying she can't do what she likes. This is a free country. I also think it's wrong to make fun of people with unconventional or non-mainstream interests, as I used to be like her. It's just, I can't relate to her at all anymore and we have nothing in common, and she is literally the opposite of the person I want to become. I feel like me hanging with her (and we hang out A LOT) is a drain and it's mentally challenging shifting gears from being around her to the more socially skilled friends I have now. I don't dislike her, but I just don't have fun hanging out with her anymore. She's just too weird and out there for the current me. And she is "happy with who she is" and isn't interested in changing to be more compatible with me, which is totally fine and within her right.

The issue, however, is that she called me out for not wanting to hang with her anymore, and said I've been distant, and demands an answer. How do I say nicely that I'm not just into her interests or worldview anymore and we're not compatible? She said she can tell that "I've changed" and she is worried about our friendship. Since we were such good friends growing up, I feel guilty about potentially wanting to not be as good friends anymore who always hang out. She has helped me through stuff as kids and in high school, and I have to her. But I just feel nothing around her anymore now. Am I an asshole? I don't know what to do or how to break it to her. I know that she has concerns she maybe might have Aspergers and she also has depression, so I want to be mindful of that. But she also talks way too much about depression and has a negative outlook on life too when I'm trying to be more positive and upbeat.

Thanks

TL;DR: Simply put, I have changed and cannot relate to my best childhood friend anymore. I'm happy with my changes. I don't want to be close with them anymore. How do I do this tactfully?

Submitted June 18, 2019 at 11:59PM by differencelife10 http://bit.ly/2WOjOg9