My [30M] wife’s [29F] view on gender roles in relationships has me sick to my stomach, and causing deep resentment. Need advice.

I posted this dilemma in another sub, and was told that it belonged here. Please give me honest opinions, and insight

Im 30 and my wife is 29F. We’ve been together for nearly a decade now. Since I can remember, she has always been type of woman who identifies with the old adage, “The woman/wife is always right.” Like men should want to cater to his woman’s every want and need. She was raised with this mentality, as her mother is the same way, and her father caters to her mother’s wants and needs. In the beginning, this mentality was sorta cute, and maybe even endearing? But as time went on, it has become pure resentment on my end. She will expect me to cater to her beck and call. If she needs something in the middle of the night for a project, I am to run to the store for her. If she needs a last minute errand, she will send me. If she forgets something, I’m supposed to go retrieve it for her. If she needs something that is not within arm’s reach, she sends me.. She often jokes about it, and says that I need to be a “gentleman,” and do it for her. It’s not funny anymore, and its causing serious problems for us. If I refuse to do what she asks, I get the silent treatment, and the “Fine, I’ll do it myself” thing, that is followed by passive aggressiveness for days.

The really SHITTY part is that I can never rely on her for anything at all. She will flat out refuse to do small favors, and tasks that I need. It’s like she forgets all the stuff I do for her, or she just feels heavily entitled to everything that I do for her, and feels that she doesn’t need to reciprocate because she’s a woman..I have brought this up to her MANY times over the years, but she just doesn’t see it. We’ve had several discussion, both calm, and heated over this very topic. It drives me crazy, because I can’t tell if she’s gaslighting me, or if she honestly doesn’t see her own behavior? Every time we talk about it, she can never tell me why she thinks this double standard is okay... is it okay? Is it normal for the guy to cater to his wife, while she doesn’t need to reciprocate?

It’s gotten to the point where I WONT want to do any favors for her. I feel a deep resentment when she asks me to do things for her, because I KNOW that if the roles were reversed, she would NOT do the same for me. She’s proven this to me time and time again.

Today we got into a big fight over her wanting me to take photos of her for her Instagram, and I got so upset. It’s obviously not about taking the photos, but more so about all of this resentment I have over the double standards.

TLDR: Wife has double standards in our marriage and refuses to acknowledge that things need to change, or that there’s even a problem in the first place.

Submitted June 16, 2019 at 05:10PM by uhhwbne http://bit.ly/2Ijz0ZQ