Me (22F) with my husband (21M) married 3 months. He didn't believe I was a virgin and has been acting cold since.

First of all to answer the question I know everyone is going to ask, no, neither of us are from especially religious families nor are we ourselves. We ARE Christian and we DO regularly attend church but there were no purity vows or chewed gum metaphors. We both just genuinely wanted to wait because that was our personal decision. Spirituality figured into that choice some but not entirely - we both just liked the idea of being safe and committed to one person before having sex. We had kissed and made out and engaged in some touching so it's not like we felt any sexual contact before marriage would damn our eternal souls. We've been together 4 years in total and known each other since middle school. I thought we had good communication and knew where each other stood.

Which is why his reaction has been so incredibly weird.

So we got married and then proceeded to the hotel the night before we were to leave on our honeymoon. Things started out the usual way, but obviously didn't stop there. I didn't have a lot of pain, just some mild burning that passed quickly and I didn't bleed a drop. Husband enjoyed himself as well.

He got withdrawn immediately after.

I thought he was just a little tired or overwhelmed or processing, so I gave him some space, just took his hand and we fell asleep. He was weird the whole next day. We got to our honeymoon destination and he immediately dropped it on me.

"Why did you tell me you were a virgin when you aren't?"

"I told you that because I WAS one."

"But you said it hardly hurt. And you didn't bleed."

Ok. So. We had talked about or attitudes towards sex but never the act itself, I thought maybe he just got bad information. I explained how not all women even HAVE a hymen, and if they do, it can be small, thin, and/or easily broken by things like tampons (which I use), exercise, bike riding, or it can just "wear away" if there wasn't much of a one to start with. That sex might be mildly uncomfortable the first time, but if it actually HURTS and there's BLOOD you've done something wrong, or the woman has a very thick hymen and may need it surgically corrected.

He wasn't having it. I finally just said "Ok, so who would I have even had sex with? We've talked about this. We both chose to wait because we WANTED to wait and if I wasn't a virgin I'd have told you then because I believed you weren't super hung up on it, it was just something you/I/we thought was best."

Then he says "Oh so you're admitting you lied now?"

Omg.

I didn't even know what else to say so I just said "I know what I did and didn't do, you're being ridiculous and I don't know why. When you want to actually talk about it then we can but I'm not going to be accused."

The honeymoon was awkward. The 4th day was ok so I tried to initiate sex. Figured maybe he was just freaked out and he had worked it out. He seemed into it and then just said "I can't" and rolled over.

It's been like this for 3 months. I can't even bring it up. I've tried a couple times, but it always goes the same way. I lied. I had "an alibi ready".

I don't even know where this is coming from. Maybe he's more faith based in this respect than I thought? But I can't control what my body did or didn't do. I've tried to empathize with him that if marrying a virgin was important to him and he believes I'm not, that sucks, but I was.

How do you even prove you DIDN'T do something?

Where do I go from here?

tl;dr Christian but not extremely so couple decides to wait til marriage. Wedding night goes smoothly, and now husband believes wife was not actually a virgin. Where do we go from here?

Submitted June 18, 2019 at 11:20AM by ReallyImAVirgin http://bit.ly/2XXL1JC