I(26f) just had a baby with my bf(26m) of a year and a half. I think I want to leave.

Throwaway for obvious reasons.

I'm gonna say I know my choices haven't been the best and I made a mess. I'm not excusing my actions.

About a year and half ago I was coming out of a divorce. It was messy. Me and my ex had been together for 7 years when he asked for a divorce.

About 5 months later, I met Jake(26m). I understand rebounding and heard all the warnings. But he was a breath of fresh air after everything. My ex was hateful and mean during it and pointed out every insecurity I had felt about myself when he ended things. The girl he was talking to behind my back messaged me a lot of things comparing us and him claiming he loved her the entire time we were together.

I guess my whole point is I felt like trash and was desperate to feel loved or worth something to somebody.

But everything was going great. He was amazing. I had car troubles in the middle of the night and he drove an hour to help me. Always was offering to buy things for me because he knew the divorce had destroyed my finances. He was attentive and always caring.

7 months after being together, I ended up pregnant. I fully understand why I was an idiot. I was careless one night and that's it. And honestly after trying for a child over a year with my ex husband, I thought there was a possibility I couldn't get pregnant. Regardless we talk about it and we decide to keep him. I moved in with him shortly after.

He was born 3 weeks ago after a really hard pregnancy and I had to be induced 6 weeks early. I love him and everything is amazing with him.

It seems as soon as I moved in with him, something snapped. He literally picked a fight with me a day after we moved in together and I had to apologize 5000 times.

I'm just gonna list examples of things he's said and done:

-Told me I was gonna be an awful mother. I don't remember what that was over, but he said shit like that all the time if I did anything he didn't like.

• told me I was damaged goods and nobody would want me if we broke up because no man wants a single mom. Later said he was joking.

• one night he was tickling me and I was asking him to stop. I HATE being tickled. He kept doing it and I accidentally hit him in the face. I was heavily pregnant at this point and barely could breath and was trying to push me him off me. He accused me of being abusive.

• if I say anything he doesn't like, he going into where he can cut me hard at. Disagreement about who needs to be cleaning the kitchen? I just like his crazy ex and more insults about what kind of mom I'm gonna be.

• jokes constantly about fucking my friends and sisters to make me jealous.

• another thing, he jokes constantly but some of the things he says just aren't funny and more offensive than anything. 4 family members have spoken up and said he's constantly degrading me. But again he's just "joking".

• yells as me if he has to repeat himself or I don't understand something quick enough. We took a CPR class before we could bring our son home and I was in tears at the end of it because I was getting yelled at each time I didn't do something right.. like I just rewinded a certain part to watch again and he lost it with me. I know the nurses heard because they were very stand offish with him and being extra friendly with me.

• I'm the one with our son the majority of the time. I'm on maternity leave. Yet feels the need to correct me over everything and seems to think I know nothing. I'm doing everything the exact way the nurses taught me. Burping, holding him, bathing him, changing his diaper etc everything. Again I get yelled at.

• I need to go pick my car up so I have a car during the day while he's gone to go to the store or if something happens. "Why do you need a car? You have the baby and need to stay home".

• refused to help me around the house. I was working 60 hours at the end of my pregnancy, still wouldn't do anything to help me.

• I end up being admitted to the hospital because I had very high blood pressure and they were going to take the baby early. He still was picking fights with me. I got yelled at for asking him to go get me water and made me call a nurse to.

• I can't blame him for me developing preclamspia, but I don't think he made it easier or helped take any stress off me. He was picking fights with me, yelling, accusing me of being "weak" even as my doctors told him "she's getting really sick", refused to help me around the house. He made the stress 10x worse. Even when he joking he just doesn't know how to stop, even when I'm telling him to.

-makes jokes about me taking the easy way out of labor or not being a real woman because after 10 hours of it I had to have an emergency csection. Ya know, because my blood pressure shot to 240/120 after my epidural. This is particularly hurtful for me because yes, I do feel like my body failed me. My epidural ended up sliding out and had to be put under so I didn't even get to see my son until 10 hours later.

• finally, jealousy is coming out. Almost immediately after I had the baby. A man talks to me, it turns into an argument. He's currently jealous over my ex husband that I've had 3 email exchanges with in the last 6 month over some financial loose ends. He's threatened to message him and I've had to beg him not to. I don't want my ex back nor would I ever or have cheated. There's nothing emotional in those emails and he read them. He sends threatening messages to any man he thinks is flirting with me.

A lot of other things hes done that hurt me, but I'm trying to avoid turning this into a novel.

Family members are worried. My mom was in a physically abusive relationship a few years ago and says she sees the same characteristics in him that she did her ex.

I can leave and I fortunately have options and now make enough money that I can support both me and my son without child support, even if things are tight. But he does absolutely love his son. I don't have a problem with him in how he cares for his son, because he does help out with him a great deal. And he can be kind to me and does try to help me in other ways.

I don't know if he will change or things will get better. I don't know if all this might be the stress of an unplanned pregnancy and a baby. But I don't want my son growing up thinking it's normal to talk to or treat anyone this way. Or having to endure the fights. But I wanted a family and I know his dad loves him. I want things to get better but I tired of feeling like a worthless idiot. I just need advice if this is even salvageable at this point or if it's worth trying to fix things. Today he snapped at me again after us talking last night that he needs to control his temper, and I'm just not sure if he's capable of communicating with me.

I'm sorry this got so long.

Edit: sorry for the terrible formatting. I'm on mobile.

Tl;dr Just had a baby. Boyfriend has temper and it's gotten increasingly worse. Not sure if it's worth sticking out for

Submitted June 24, 2019 at 08:43PM by thisisnotmyname19 http://bit.ly/2X5IOPX