Hi everyone,
I hope to be able to condense my situation into a few lines.
I've known my husband (39M) for almost 20 years, we got married 6 years ago. We share the same values and we have similar thoughts on many things. We are both in good physical shape and look good.
We do many things together: dinners, cinema, vacations, outings with friends. Ah, we have no children.
Of course, there are many things about him that annoy me, little or a lot. We have very different characters, I am a fussy, precise, caring person and instead he is very distracted, both in practical things and in feelings. For a long time I felt second in his life, after his friends and his needs.
But the real problem has always been sex. From the beginning - he was my first man - it was very painful and unpleasant. I did some medical examinations but no physical problems emerged. My husband always played down the problem, and when I raised the question he told me that if it was a problem for me, I would have to solve it alone.
For a long time we didn't have sex at all, we settled for "other". Then we got married, and it was time to try to have a child, and it was terrible for me, even if things got better with time. But still I had no desire to have sex! Never!
I thought I was like that, not interested in sex, and that this thing wouldn't change.
Until I met another man. It was not my intention to be interested in this person, but it happened. I started to have stronger feelings, and to desire him. And I saw that it was the same for him. So I decide to talk to my husband about it, but he played it down. He says it was normal to desire other people, but it was important to know "the limit".
And so I go on, and after two years something happened between me and the other man. Once. And it was beautiful.
I have long been tormented by guilt, until I spoke to my husband again and asked him to try couples therapy.
He was against it but eventually agreed. Unfortunately, it didn't help. I feel very detached from my husband, and he denies every problem. He continues to behave as if everything was going well.
We stopped the therapy, now I go to a psychologist myself alone and I hope that she can help me understand my real feelings.
I struggle to imagine my life without my husband and I am afraid of hurting him, yet I know that with him I will never feel what I felt with the other man, and I wonder if I can live forever with this regret.
TLDR: I felt very strong feelings for another man and I don't know if this justifies a separation from a good and devoted husband, with whom there is very little sexual understanding.
Submitted June 17, 2019 at 12:11PM by onenobodyth http://bit.ly/2XspOLb
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