Sorry for typos or incorrectly spelled words, turned off autocorrect and on mobile. Also this is probably going to be long. I posted this on a diffrent sub a few weeks ago but i didnt come to a conclusion, so any advice woukd be great. Thanks :)
Let me start this by saying growing up I was always super close with my mum. She is the type of person to do literally anything for someone, she is a very meek and insecure person.
My dad on the other hand is incredibly quiet and reserved, angry, workaholic, insecure too (but in a much different way). I was never close with my dad even though I tried (asking him to movies, gave presents etc). Everytime I had a conversation with him it was usually him yelling at me or when I was younger, hitting me when I was naughty.
Ok so, their marriage has always been awful. Mum is incredibly sensitive and clingy (as am I), my dad is avoidant and quiet to everyone about everything (unless yelling). Both do a lot for me, dads a GP and works all the time for my 4 siblings and me for all of us to go to private schools. Which is incredible of him to do, I just wish I got a dad as well as a financial aid. I really always crave his approval with everything (all siblings have, im the youngest) and i feel its why I have such a perfectionist nature.
Well, My mum cheated on my dad. I saw the messages and confronted her. Reaction I expected. Denied and then said yes. I told her she needs to tell dad. So she did, she also called her other children. Btw before I found the messages I had asked her multiple times if she was having an affair and she lied to my face everytime bc i didnt have proof. So far so good? I thought so. She said she had plans to leave dad and was just finding the right moment. And she moved out.
Until she didnt. She told dad she wanted a divorce, but has since changed her mind apparently and is 'unsure' about who she wants to be with (my dad or the new guy). I think this is incredibly selfish and disgusting behaviour, as its telling me one thing (since I was like 11, about how she was unhappy with dad, often) and doing somethinf completely different. After she kissed dad I no longer want to speak with her, as she hasnt done what she said she would. She wants my forgiveness without putting in any effort to change the situation because she is scared. Usually I would support her, bc ik her marriage with dad wasnt her idea and she has been the victim of much yelling from dad. But i cant if she puts in no effort, and let her get away with this. Before she kissed dad I talked to her many times to get her to see my perspective after she baked dad a birthday cake, even writing a letter so she would understand where Im coming from. She just got defensive or agreed, then didnt follow through. I told her my feelings about 5 times, in calm conversations.
About a week ago, after the kiss, my brother and I (M24, has now moved out. Im the only one at home) said we didnt want to see her. Her and dad wanted us all to have a family chat. Usually I would agree but with recent events I couldnt, bc shes manipulating dad, if she knows it or not. My brother and I alone, after saying no to dinner. She came in mad. We asked her to leave. She ignored that and came in again, almost yelling. We aksed her to leave, she came in almost, almost yelling. She was saying stuff like "Im so disappointed in you, i have dedicated my life to you kids" etc. My brother finallt snapped after trying to diffuse the situation and yelled at her to get out of his room. She screamed back "this is actually my room. This is my house." Etc.
My dad still wants her back. They have been married for 30 years so I understand. I told mum her relationship with dad was toxic, thats why I wasnt happy she was still seeing him. She told dad that, dad got mad at me for making comments. I told my mum that if she comes back and lives here, Ill move to my nans house. My dad then told me I should go to my nans house so im not alone.
*im doing online course until i can get a IT and buisness traineeship in a different state, and I have a part time job. I was home schooled for some time in my life (self taught all the way thru) and am used to being by myself and thats where im happiest. I still see friends all the time and talk with them all the time. Also starting a buisness etc etc. Im happy being by myself, and have been in the past.
I am moving out to a different state with my boyfriend (M19) in a 6 months. After this happened I wanted to move immediately got job interviews, but they didnt allow me to go.
Just yesterday my parents took $5000 out of my account (its mostly inheritence from my nan when she died) that im meant ti get at 18 to help me move out, but i was going to use it now instead. But they took it without saying anything to me about it first.
I just feel every single thing she has done since the news came out, has been wrong. Apart from moving out. Am I wrong to not want to see her? Are my feelings justifed? How can I improve this situation?
Thanks for reading all that. Ask if need more info.
Tldr My mum cheated on my dad, dad wants her back, I feel mum is shady and I dont want to see her. Are my feelings justifed? Was it wrong for them to take the money?
Edit: other post has different age bc i rounded
Submitted June 18, 2019 at 07:05PM by throwaway94837yw http://bit.ly/2x4OQ3X
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