First post! I'm really upset and confused about this and cannot sleep so here goes.
My(23F) very close friend(24M) drove up 4 hours to see me this weekend. He had been planning to come for a while and I was really happy to hang out with him. When we were planning his visit, he asked me if I was interested in hooking up over the next few weeks till he leaves the coast for good.
I recently went through a breakup with my boyfriend of 4 years due to long distance. It ended amicably and we're good. But the past one year was terrible because of the distance and said friend was there throughout. So he saw how much I was and still am in love with my boyfriend and how difficult it was. I've been on Tinder for a couple of weeks, not sure what I want but I think just people. Friend knows about this and that I'm not looking for anything serious.
Couple of days before he came he asked me if I was interested. I told him I didn't think so and he wanted to talk about what was stopping me and what I thought could go wrong. I told him our friendship was important to me and I think it would be weird because we had grown to be close friends so it was difficult for me to think of him like that. Honest reason was I just didn't want to. He tried to convince me over the phone many times, saying how us being close and comfortable was an advantage and hence nothing would screw up our friendship. Also we wouldn't be hooking up for too long so neither of us would fall in love (his logic). I thought it was better to talk about this face to face so I told him that we would discuss it. But he wanted to know before he came (not sure why). He even said he would make sure he came if we were going to (Red flag which I pointed out to him - but he dismissed it saying "Obviously I would come either way, is this what you think of me now" so I let it slide).
When he finally arrived we spent the evening with our friends and he brought it up when we were alone. I made it clear that I wasn't interested. I made a few reasons about friendship which he wasn't buying. I said "I don't want to", "I don't feel like", "Just because I'm looking for something casual doesn't mean I just sleep with everyone". He still kept trying to convince me saying I should atleast try, was I never going to even try to move on, and he knows I'm okay with fwb so if I don't want to do it with him why am I doing it with random guys on Tinder. It was 3 am, I was uncomfortable and exhausted. The thought crossed my mind - should I just do it to avoid this whole drama?
The only reason I didn't shut him up was because I had gone through multiple friend-breakups very recently, and he was one of the people from the same friend circle who I was on good terms with. I didn't want to upset him and lose another friend. He's sensitive and I know once I tell him this, he's never going to talk to me again. The thing that finally shut him up was "If you really care about me, you shouldn't even need a reason. If I'm saying no you should just accept it." After that he became all sulky and was like that the whole weekend. I tried to talk to him about why he was upset but he turned the whole thing into a trust issue and on me and we basically just fought the whole weekend.
I'm really upset because I didn't like the way he was behaving. This is someone I've grown to trust. It's okay he asked me, but he kept insisting, and I could just feel the difference every time he touched me or hugged me. It wasn't the friendly touch I always got from him. I want to tell him this was uncool but I know he's never going to talk to me again. Then I think is this friendship even worth saving? But like I said I've lost friends recently due to circumstances and some bad decisions. I think he kinda knows that I don't want to lose him and he was exploiting that power.
Should I tell him how I feel? If yes, how?
I also have started thinking most of my guy friends are not as friendly as I considered them to be. Similar things have happened with me before whenever I went through a rough patch with my boyfriend. It's like if there's a slight possibility guys just pounce? I either wave it off if it's a jokey advance or just say honestly why I think it's a bad idea and people back off. This guy didn't, and was also the closest friend of mine to ever do this. I'm not sure if I'm reading people wrong or I'm giving off wrong signals, because these are people I consider close and trust. What are some things I should do that CLEARLY signal how I see the guy as a friend and NOTHING MORE AT ALL?
TL;DR - Close friend asked if I was interested in FWB after my recent breakup, when I said no he tried very hard to convince me. I don't want to lose him as a friend but he made me really uncomfortable and kinda got mad when I kept saying no.
Submitted June 24, 2019 at 11:48PM by ScrantonStranger http://bit.ly/2NbB9va
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