My girlfriend and I have been dating for a few years now, and for the most part I have been quite happy. We've talked about and planned the rest of our lives together and see eye-to-eye on a lot of things. And for years we would have to drive 40 minutes to see one another, so we were really excited to be living with each other since it would make things more casual and easy. A few months ago we moved into an apartment together, we had a lot of fun picking out the furniture and setting everything up, and I was anticipating things becoming even better than they were. And I think, from her perspective, they probably are.
But I friggin' hate it. She cleans up after herself and everything, and she is pretty easygoing, but that's the extent of my happiness about it. I think living with her kind of sucks? It's only been a few months but I already find her presence to be oppressive and boring. She is always asking me what I want to do, or what I want to eat for dinner, and I constantly feel as if I need to entertain her. It's like it's up to me to be the interesting or exciting one, as if it's something I even want from myself. She makes unhealthy snacks and then pressures me into eating them even though I am trying to be healthier, asking me over and over again if I want them even when I politely decline repeatedly. And this is probably on me, but I feel guilty and pressured to drink or smoke when she is doing so around me. Her cat scratches my furniture. She broke my food processor. She told me she didn't want me to have a group of friends over while she was away because she didn't want that many people in "her space." She sleeps until noon. I have to feed her cat and water her plants when she's gone, which is half the time.
I think all of these alone would be fine, and simple enough to solve with conversations, but when you put them all together on top of all of the other small adjustments and concessions you seem to have to make when you live with someone (like the softness of the bed, or the layout of the kitchen, or whether you're allowed to fall asleep listening to audiobooks, or how the hell you're going to masturbate with someone in the other room and a cat watching you or scratching at the door) it starts to feel insurmountable.
I don't understand what happened. I love this woman, but I am beginning to hate being around her. She goes away for work a lot of the time and I find myself far more excited about when she's away than when she's here; when she's gone it's as if I'm free: I go to weird events with friends she doesn't like or work on side projects with them, and have time to read and write in quiet peace without feeling guilty about ignoring her.
I don't think that I didn't know what kind of person she was until I moved in with her? Perhaps I didn't know myself well enough. I thought her sleeping in would be endearing, maybe. I thought I wouldn't mind sharing my life with someone and maybe I do? Or is this all standard growing pains when you move in with someone? I need to make this work but half of the time I stare into her loving eyes and can't help but think about how badly I want to jump headfirst out of a window. I can't imagine I wouldn't be immensely happier if she lived down the block instead of in my apartment. Why would anyone ever want to live with anyone else?
TL;DR: Just moved in with my girlfriend and I don't like it. Starting to see her differently, pressured and frustrated and bored when she's here, and happier when she's gone. Is it natural? Is it her? Is it me? Is it the relationship?
Submitted March 28, 2019 at 01:15PM by RSA-PKCS1-SHA512 https://ift.tt/2U19boK
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