This might be long winded but stay with me. Since we got together we didn’t have sex that much, maybe like once a week and he was always shy and I was his first, and because of that I always made the first move and made sure he was happy and comfortable doing it with me, and when he wasn’t comfortable doing it I told him it was okay and we move on to something else.
Years on, around the time we moved in together and he proposed to me (I said yes) it just stopped. Like he stopped trying. Now, we have sex like once every 2 months, or once a month if I’m lucky. I always thought I just had a higher sex drive then him cause it’s always me that asks for intimacy or sex, never him, he either says no, or says yes but never actually engaged fully when we do it. And whenever we are in the bedroom I always try and talk about what he likes or what porn he’s into so I can maybe re-create it for him and make him happy, but he never shares, if anything he just seems annoyed. It’s embarrassing to be with someone for 9 years and not know what they are into. And even writing this now I still don’t know. In the end he just blows me off with the whole ‘I’m into you’ or ‘im into whatever your into’, which I know is a lie. So instead I performed different sex acts, techniques, dress up, everything to see if any of them really turned him on, he seemed pleased but nothing more.
Recently he’s admitted to watching porn a lot, almost everyday! But doesn’t see it as a problem. I’ve never caught him either.. ever, and this has been going on for years without me knowing. He admitted that he waits until he’s alone or even when I’m asleep! I tell him that whenever he’s watching porn and wants sex, let me know. But he never does. He literally jerks off next to me without me knowing, which disturbs me. Again, he just laughs about it like it’s no big deal.
Not long ago he lost his phone and had to wait a couple weeks for a new one. I noticed that he was in a bad mood most days and when I asked why he said it was because he couldn’t watch porn! It made me feel sick, that’s when I realised that he may be seriously addicted to porn.
When he got his new phone I was there when he was setting it up and he went with a pin lock (a pin that we both use.) but the other day while he was sleeping I picked up his phone to see what time his alarm was set to for work (making sure he didn’t put it on snooze and was late for work) I noticed that he changed it to face recognition.. which worries me cause he’s never done that and I was too afraid to ask him about it.
I’ve tried being open with him about why he thinks we aren’t as intimate as we use to be but he just got mad said ‘there’s nothing wrong with our relationship’ and dropped the conversation. I’ve also tried another approach by being the ‘cool girlfriend’ and watch porn together, he was immediately uncomfortable by the idea and said it was weird ‘no’.
I feel like it’s getting worse.. first it was barely any sex but now it’s barely any cuddles, kisses, or dates. (The other night he couldn’t even watch one movie with me cause he wanted to play Xbox.) He doesn’t feel like my love anymore, he just feels like a roommate that comes home, complains about work, play on his xbox and jerks off to pornstars while I take care of the house and pay for rent and food.. Don’t get me wrong, everyday he still calls me beautiful and says how much he loves me and what a great body I have.. but it never goes any further then that. It hurts cause I try so hard, I dress up for him, do my best to look good, do my hair, work out, cook him nice food and clean his mess.
TL;DR: I want to talk about my boyfriends possible porn addiction but I don’t know how.
Submitted March 02, 2019 at 04:55PM by OuchKitten https://ift.tt/2EJR4ug
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