Me [23M] and my GF[21F] of 1 year, I see a future with her, but her telling me not to worry about her six figure student loan debt is concerning.

I know based on the title I probably seem like an asshole, and if that's the truth then tell me, I just ask that you read all of my post before replying. Part of the reason why I'm even making this post is that I feel like i may be an asshole because of this. I want to preface this post by saying that I very much love my girlfriend and I could see myself staying with her long term, but I keep having anxiety about her financial situation. I know that I'm probably jumping the gun and that one year is very early into a relationship, but I can't help but plan ahead. We started dating a little over a year ago and we hit it off really well. I'm about to graduate in December and I'll be starting my first non-internship job, and she will have one more year of school before graduating. About two months ago I learned the approximate amount (100k-120k) of student loans that she has. I knew that she had loans, but was shocked that it was such a large amount. I'll be graduating with less than 15k of debt due to scholarships and saving money from internships and jobs.

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I was expecting a much more average amount like 50k or less, because unless I'm mistaken that amount of debt is typical for law school or medical school, and she is pursuing a standard 4 year degree. On top of the debt, her desired field has a very low average income (40k and under for our high cost of living area) she has next to no savings, and it is very hard to find a job in her field. I've already accepted a job in our area since it was at one of the top companies in my field and would springboard my career, so moving somewhere else isn't a very viable option. I'll be making an above average salary, but not high enough that this debt isn't extremely worrisome for me.

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She said that her father said he would help her pay the loan since he cosigned it but if I'm being honest I don't believe him when he says that. He's an abusive deadbeat who is terrible with money and makes horrible financial decisions. Part of the reason why this is a bad loan is that he decided that he knew what was best and got a loan with an abnormally higher interest rate, instead of listening to people who know more about this than he does. I'm receiving a finance degree, I've worked in financial services and will continue to work in that area when I start my job, and I've been telling him to look into refinancing, but he is too stubborn. My girlfriend can tell that I'm worried about it and tells me not to think about money so much, but it's literally going to be my job to think about money and financial planning in a few months. We were talking last week about when we'd start to consider marriage, and I said that I wouldn't want to get married until her debt situation was a little more under control, meaning she has a steady job and has been making payments for at least a few years. She said that it wasn't fair to make of me to make her wait that long. I disagree.

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I talked to my parents about my concerns and they said they were extremely disappointed in me. I told them that financial stress is one of the top reasons why relationships end and their response was that if I break up with my girlfriend over this, then I never really loved her. My father went on to say that if my mother had that much debt when he met her, that he wouldn't have let it get in the way. I didn't really think it was fair of him to make this judgment considering that he didn't have to make this decision and my parents are in an extremely secure financial position at this point in their lives. Both my parents graduated from school debt free and will be retiring within 10 years with plenty of savings. I'm aware that money isn't everything, but in the world we live in, it is important. Money problems put stress on both people in a relationship and that puts stress on a relationship. I'm worried that if I stay with my girlfriend long term and things progress past dating, the added stress from taking on this debt could cause me to resent her.

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TL;DR The combination of my girlfriend's six figure debt and low paying field have me worried about future stress it could put on our relationship.

Submitted March 01, 2019 at 11:31PM by jimbobspiderman https://ift.tt/2NCKfgZ