UPDATE: I have told him to leave our home and stay with family because this is a very serious matter for me. And I need to be away from him and more importantly he needs to be away from me for him to feel that this shit is real. He is telling me that after yesterday he’s very shook, considering how close we were to almost being in a fatal accident. And he’s telling me he doesn’t want to drive anymore and he wants me to do all the driving. But I just can’t take his word and this anymore because he has apologized in the past and then after some time Gone back to this behavior. I feel like I’m being harsh but at the same time, I don’t know what else to do. I’m very torn about this. But it’s not normal for me to feel unsafe with him. And I don’t want to also be responsible for my family getting hurt. I’m such a piece of shit I understand that. I know that. Thanks everyone for your advise and input. I think maybe the temporary separation will help to put things into perspective. I don’t know about him but yesterday was very traumatic for me.
TL;DR my husband drives batshit crazy and almost gets into numerous possibly severe or fatal accidents, I feel unsafe and am considering divorce because he has put my life at risk along with my family members. I don’t know what else to do. Am I being irrational to want a divorce from this? How do I make him understand his behavior is causing serious issues for me?
I (30sF) have known my husband (30sM) for almost 10 years. We’ve been together 9 years, 4 of those years married. Over all I think we have a good relationship. And he’s never cheated on me and has never given me reason to distrust him in regards to that subject matter.
All that to say, that he’s very loyal and he’s never given me any reason to feel betrayed or like suspicious of his behavior or feel like he is disloyal.
What really upsets me is he’s very aloof. He’s too aloof to the point that he actually puts peoples lives in danger including my family members. I don’t know if aloof is the right word? But, He does this by his reckless driving. It’s been happening for years and it doesn’t happen all the time, but he does things that make me feel unsafe in the car or out in public with him. We don’t have children yet. But I’ve brought this to his attention many times. He feels bad and says he will change but then he also gets defensive and says it’s messed up for me to not trust him.
Recently things have gotten very insane for me. We’ve almost gotten into an accident 3 times with in 2019 alone. And it’s not just an accident like, oh a silly little fender bender, but it’s very serious. I’ll list 3 resent incidents:
1) he was driving way above the speed limit, and he was running red lights. I told him to calm down and drive normal. At that time we had my brother in law and my 6 months pregnant sister in the car. He told me not to worry. But then he ran a red light, and it was the right of way for oncoming traffic, and we almost just almost had a front end collision with someone turning. We barely just barely made it. I got super angry and yelled at him and told him to calm down because my pregnant sister is in the car and he almost caused the accident. He got defensive trying to say it was the other drivers fault some how (he always does this) until eventually he accepted it was his fault and he apologized. This happened about 2 months ago.
2) we were taking my father out to breakfast at our local favorite restaurant. He was visiting from outside the country. As courtesy and respect I let my father ride shot gun. We were about to turn into the parking lot of the restaurant, as was another car in front of us, but the car in front abruptly stopped. Instead of just honking at the other car and waiting for him to proceed, ny husband tries to go around him, mind you there is no space, drives over the side walk and just ALMOST hits the building next to the restaurant. My father is scared he tenses up. And I had to tell my husband to STOP, other wise he would try to go around this person and possibly badly damage our NEW CAR or worse, cause a front end collision, and seriously injure himself or my father. I had to keep my cool, until after breakfast and until after we were in private to address the situation because I didn’t want to fight with him in front of my dad. Again, he tried to make excuses and he tried to blame the other driver and eventually he said “I just want to drive how I drive when I’m in my car what is the problem” and then finally, he finally admits he was at fault and he will take it easy. This happened 1 weeks ago.
3) this happened yesterday and I’m still very shaken up about it. We dropped my father to the airport, and we were driving back to our home. It was 9am and traffic (in NYC) is crazy during morning rush hour. So my husband decided to take local roads to avoid traffic on main roads. All is fine with me. However, the local roads are narrow two way streets in residential neighborhoods. He’s driving again over the speed limit, and he’s zooming past stop signs without stopping. Some people around him are also driving crazy, but he’s driving crazier, complaining that he hates this neighborhood, and wants to get out of it quickly. I remind him that he needs to drive carefully we’re in a residential neighborhood and he needs to stop at stop signs. He says okay but doesn’t follow. We are now approaching a 2 way street that is perpendicular to us, and we have to come to a stop at a stop sign and wait for traffic to clear before we can proceed. Before this point all the perpendicular streets we encountered were 1 way. I see him go past the stop sign to cross the two way street. I start to freak out because I see cars coming. I ask him what he’s doing he says don’t worry we’re good and all I see is this black van coming from the right almost about to hit us and I screamed. Once I screamed he THEN saw the van and swerved out of the way and i don’t know how, but we made it out alive from that situation without getting hit without getting injured. But we were so close to being hit. The van saw us in the nick of time and slowed down. My husband freaked out and pulled over and was shook. And I was screaming hysterically which also didn’t help my anxiety. But I almost just died. If that van hit us, it would have hit the right front of the car hitting me first. This happened yesterday. And again he got defensive and tried to argue something but honestly he didn’t even bother to look, he didn’t even want to slow down, he almost killed me, and he had the audacity to argue about it. Eventually he did admit fault and he was very shook. And when we got home he cried even and said he can’t be doing this anymore and that he will change.
Submitted March 02, 2019 at 10:16AM by lamiatron https://ift.tt/2HbYKHp
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