We have been together a little over two years, but something has felt “off” the past month or so. We finally sat down and talked about our relationship last night, and it was revealed that he has been preparing himself for a breakup, in the back of his mind.
For context, we are quite happy and I honestly thought we’d end up getting married. I even (half-jokingly) ask him to marry me at least once a week when he does something especially sweet or kind for me. Looking back on it now, I may have been a fool, but I haven’t pictured my future without him for at least a year now. He seemed to hint he felt the same way.
He has landed a job that he’s super excited about and I am really proud of him for, wildland firefighting, and will thus be gone for about 6 months, starting this summer. I thought this was why we felt “off” because he was either stressed about starting, or worried about the relationship making it.
So I told him how I felt and that I thought it would be tough, but we’ll make it through. I wanted us to make it through. Well, he then mentions that he’s worried about a job after this position, what if it’s out of state? (And I cant move anywhere for the next two years because I’m finishing a graduate degree.) I told him we’d discuss it, but I wouldn’t let him pass up a dream job for me and that I would want to find a way to make long distance work and see if I could finish my degree sooner and move to be with him.
But then he drops this bomb on me and says that he refuses to do long distance (due to failed attempts in previous relationships). If he ends up having to move for stable work, he wants us to amicably break up. He said he couldn’t see another option.
And of course this is all hypothetical (he doesn’t even have a job lined up after this wildland job yet), but it hit me really hard. I had never considered not being with him to be an option, and I haven’t been able to wrap my mind around it since he brought it up. It’s making me anxious and I haven’t been able to sleep and it’s currently 5am.
So my question is, how do I pull myself out of this happy bubble where he is my end game and face the reality that we might not make it through the year? How does one prepare themself for that? Is there even a way to prepare? I refuse to go through the relationship with one foot out the door, but I don’t want to be blindsided again if he says he has to move and leave me.
I’m sorry this is so jumbled, but I appreciate you reading this. I haven’t slept and haven’t really stopped crying. I don’t know what to do.
TLDR; SO may end up getting job out of state before end of the year, and our only option seems to be to break up if that happens. I had never considered not being with him and don’t know how to prepare myself for said break up.
Submitted March 02, 2019 at 04:02AM by ineedanon010117 https://ift.tt/2EqGirA
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